writing this review after one of the most difficult experiences a parent can ever face--the funeral…read moreof my son.
I made a formal, in-person complaint to Ron Vance, manager of Hollomon-Brown Funeral Home, after the service. I explained to Mr. Vance that I wanted to know what policies, systems, checklists, training, or other procedures would be put in place to help ensure that another grieving family does not experience what we did.
When a family loses a child, they are overwhelmed, grieving, and often incapable of thinking through every detail. In my opinion, this is exactly when an experienced funeral home should step forward and provide organization, guidance, and leadership. We did not receive that level of support.
Before the funeral, our immediate family was placed in a separate room for what was supposed to be private family time. The window on the room was uncovered, and there appeared to be no system controlling who could enter. Friends began coming into the room without our permission.
During the private viewing of my son, an unknown man whom none of us recognized entered. He performed what appeared to us to be some type of ritual over our son, kissed him, and then left. an unidentified person should never have been permitted to enter a private family viewing without the family's permission. That was deeply upsetting to us and should never have happened. They also allowed other people in who were not permitted.
There were also numerous organizational problems surrounding the service.
The person officiating the funeral apparently had not been given basic information about logistics, including how everyone was supposed to line up when entering the church. When we arrived, no one from the funeral home took assertive control and clearly explained where we were supposed to go, what we were supposed to do, or what was going to happen next. I found myself looking around for someone to give us direction at a time when I should have been focused solely on saying goodbye to my son.
Right before the funeral, I was asked to go find all of the pallbearers so someone could explain their responsibilities to them. This was confusing and completely unnecessary at that moment. The pallbearers were known in advance. They should have been contacted, gathered, and given clear instructions the day before.
Immediately before the service, I was also handed my son's death certificate. I couldn't understand why such an important document would be handed to a grieving parent at that particular moment. What was I supposed to do with it while walking into my son's funeral?
There was no one directing traffic outside.
After the service, friends told us they were confused about when they were supposed to leave and whether there was a reception.
After the service; Our family was told to go to the reception area, but no one explained where it was. I finally had to ask the person from the funeral home to physically lead us there. Once we arrived, he simply opened the door and let us walk in without explaining where the family should stand or how people would enter. We naturally stopped near the entrance, which created a large bottleneck as everyone came through the same door. An experienced funeral director should have anticipated this and positioned our family farther inside the reception area so guests could enter and move through the room properly.
There were also many areas where I believe we should have received more guidance during the planning process. How many photographs are appropriate for a memorial slideshow? How long should each photograph remain on the screen? How many speakers normally participate? How should those speakers be coordinated? How long should each person speak? How do you select or locate an appropriate church? Based on the circumstances, how many people should the family prepare for?
A grieving family may have never planned a funeral before. A funeral home does this every day. Their experience should be used to guide families through decisions they may not even realize they need to make.
A funeral is made up of dozens of small details, and when there is inadequate coordination, those problems accumulate. For the family, there is no opportunity to redo the day.
That is ultimately why I spoke directly with Ron Vance and why I am writing this review.
I cannot change what happened at my son's funeral. What I wanted from Mr. Vance was evidence that Hollomon-Brown would examine what went wrong and put meaningful procedures in place--checklists, communication protocols, systems, policies, clearly assigned responsibilities, and better guidance for grieving families--so that another mother or father doesn't have to manage logistics while trying to bury their child. Families place an extraordinary amount of trust in a funeral home during one of the worst days of their lives. Based on our experience, Hollomon-Brown Funeral Home did not provide the level of organization, guidance, communication and control.
