Going to the Vatican Museums reminded me of the old practice of selling indulgences to church donors who wanted to offset their sins with cold, hard cash. The Catholic Church has a fuck-ton of money, you guys.
We booked a guided tour with a small group (highly recommend What a Life Tours) and were able to skip the line with our pre-bought tickets. We went early in the morning, entering right at 8:00, and the crowd was pretty manageable at that hour. It also helped that we were there on a Monday during low season, in mid-November. Our guide kept marveling at how few people there were, though there were certainly more than I ever see in a typical art museum back home. I gather that during peak season, it can be a struggle to move through the museum's many rooms.
The place was insane, huge and absolutely bursting with priceless artifacts. I remember one long hallway near the entrance, extending the opposite way from the rest of the museums, so that many people skipped it altogether. I glanced at it before moving on, and it was completely lined with marble statues, with busts and fragments stacked on shelves and mounted on walls.
There were many of these hallways, it turned out, just an endless number of antiquities that we didn't have time to contemplate. Much of it was ancient, from before Christ, and more of it merely several centuries old. The rooms and hallways were marvels in themselves, each more ornate and gilded than the last, with crazy details covering not just the walls but all the ceilings. I also loved the Gallery of Maps, a hallway paneled with beautiful regional maps of Italy, painted in the 1500s by a friar geographer named Ignazio Danti and 80% accurate. I couldn't get in and out of Vatican City without a tour guide or at least Google Maps.
I was grateful for our guide, who highlighted some of the jewels of the collection. We admired the enormous 1st-century bronze pinecone in the Belvedere Courtyard; the the astonishing Laocoön and His Sons, one of the most famous sculptures in the world, with pride of place in the Vatican since it was excavated in Rome in 1506, already close to 1700 years old. We saw the Belvedere Torso, a giant ancient torso that inspired Jesus's physique in Michelangelo's painting, The Last Judgment, which we saw an hour later. Several works by Raphael, who we learned died at 37, possibly of syphilis. One of them was a huge fresco that depicted several of his contemporaries, including an unflattering portrait of Michelangelo, who was apparently not nice to Raphael. In other words, Michelangelo was cool but rude, while Raphael was the party dude.
As far as this rivalry goes, though, Michelangelo certainly wins the battle at the Vatican Museums. The Sistine Chapel was the climax of our visit, and we were warned to visit it in silence, without taking pictures or video. Our tour guide made sure to prepare us in advance, telling us the history and giving us illustrated print-outs to show us points of particular interest. This was very useful, though the Sistine Chapel is so obviously awe-inspiring, it kind of explains itself. I'd seen pictures of the ceiling, of course, but it was unreal to see it in person. 5,000 square feet of frescoes, including the iconic Creation of Adam. The Last Judgment was incredible, too, an enormous, thunderous fresco of the second coming of Christ.
We spent two hours in the Vatican Museums and barely scratched the surface. We blitzed through a smaller selection of modern art (anything younger than, say, America), where we saw a room full of giant Matisses (I guess there was one pope who liked Matisse) then passed right by some Dali, Van Gogh, Chagall, etc. without comment. This section was right before the Sistine Chapel, and our guide used the rectangular space of a Francis Bacon painting to illustrate the layout of the chapel and show us where to meet her when we were done.
If you're visiting Rome, you have to see the Vatican Museums, and I'd strongly suggest going in the off season and hiring a guide. But even if you're stuck in a throng of tourists, sweating from the summer heat, the Sistine Chapel alone is worth the trouble. read more