Please, please, dear Yelp Gods on high, forgive me. For I have sinned.
To all consumers of this diatribe, please be patient. This may be long and overly emotional.
When my CM emailed me about this event, I was excited as can be. Excited as in "oh boy this is gonna be fun!" but also excited as in "wow, I'm actually really nervous about the physical aspect of this." Those of you who have ever read my reviews before know that I'm a self-deprecator. Yeah yeah yeah, she's fat, she's ugly, she's fatter now, she's uglier now, we get it.
But what you probably DON'T know is that as much as I want to make you all laugh and feel comfortable trusting my opinion, a LOT of that stems from reality. Maybe I'm not Hunchback of ND hideous, but I am very VERY overweight. It's not that I can't handle my own with a physical challenge; I'm fairly strong, I like to swim, and walk, and I can dance along with the best of 'em. HOWEVER. I do NOT, under ANY circumstances, run. I hated running when I played bball in HS, and I hate it now, a million years and another lifetime later.
So when I signed up for this thing, I thought, hey! 5K = just over 3.1 miles (yes, I am a math teacher to boot); I can DO this. I mean, there's supposed to be HELLA foodie obstacles and stops; with THAT many distractions and pauses, surely nobody is going to run! Of COURSE no one is going to notice! Or mock! Or leave me behind in embarrassment and shame!
It didn't help that I was hung over as a monkey (my fault). It also didn't help that Alex P. and I showed up a bit late (also my fault). We dressed up awesomely and eagerly awaited the start. The announcer guy was pumped up! The other participants were pumped up! And in my gloriously hungover state, so was I!!!
Sweet potato fries with hummus? Not ready yet.
Oh hey! Water... with Michelob signs. D'oh!
Soy milk? Cool. Kerns Nectar? Also cool.
Popchips? Awesome :)
Kind bars? Why, thank you.
Funky tasting popsicles? Ehh, thanks anyway.
More water with Michelob signs??? D'OH!!!
Um... is that supposed to be an obstacle?
OMG oysters? YES PLEASE. (Note: Yeah I was in a terrible state and felt like I was going to lose my lunch waiting in the starting queue. But am I gonna pass up fresh oysters? OH HELL to the NO!)
... And that's it.
From the bottom of my heart I'd really like to thank Michelle M., her awesome +1 Rachel, Aaron L., and my best Yelp friend forever and ever Alex P., for trying their darnedest to keep my spirits up and make me feel better about myself. But at the end of the day, there weren't enough stops on the course itself to save face. Not enough "MUNCH" on the "ATHON" part. Sad face. I mean what else is there to do on a RUN if you can't eat? Well then duh you RUN! And that's what the team did. Except me.
I left that day ashamed of myself. I am NEVER ashamed of myself.
I tried desperately to be happy, to be funny, to bring smiles and uplifting conversation and laughter. But instead I was sad, I was depressing, I felt frowns and stinging tears and sobs on the inside. All for a misinterpreted and falsely advertised "fun run."
The DJ was fantastic, the prospect of Adam Richman was exciting, and FINALLY getting to try the Lobsta Truck, Great Balls on Tires, and Tapa Boy -- also marking a great return to India Jones and Lime Truck. ALL OH SO VERY GOOD. I'm sad that this event went against LA's because I feel like more people would've shown up. This was so great and so plentiful! I hope they at least broke even.
Big ups to Hazel Q., Mike Q., and Intern Elise for amazing costumes, keeping up the energy at a well-stocked and popular table, and for generally being awesome. Again, my forever gratitude to my crew for long walks on the grassy knoll and pick-up basketball games. Also to Albert E., Suki B., and Drew M. for putting up with my shrill laughter, impromptu karaoke, and wild dancing maneuvers. That one extra star is all for you guys.
But in the very very VERY end (again, I warned you this was long, didn't I???), I'm so very sorry for saying this -- but Munchathon, I can't ever look you in the eye again. This was fun, but it's over -- either I lose weight and get in shape, or you deliver on your obscure promises next time. And believe me, I ain't lookin toward Jenny Craig anytime soon. read more