I think there's always going to be a deeply buried, subterranean part of my psyche that will respond to the thought (memory) of fast-food burgers. I can envision myself on my deathbed, having forgotten pretty much everything else (dementia is a horrible condition, and I probably shouldn't even joke about it, but it can have a left-handed benefit sometimes-- John Wayne Gacy's mother had it before she died, and in her last years was able to completely forget that son of hers who became a serial killer), and singing hoarsely as I approach in extremis, "Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, special orders don't upset us, all we ask is that you let us serve it your way... " I haven't had any in a long, long time (with the recent exception of 30 Burgers in Hoboken, which pretty much rated a "Meh" in my personal estimation).
But those burgers of the past? I remember when Hardee's opened an outpost in Wayne, NJ, during my childhood. I thought those burgers, those fries, that Coke, that molten hot apple pie, were the best things I had ever eaten (next to Mom's lasagna and Pinto's Pizza in Hackensack). Hardee's disappeared (at least in Wayne it did), and I "progressed" to McDonald's and Burger King. At some point during my early adulthood, I gave it all up. I wasn't necessarily living a healthy lifestyle...I liked my booze, I liked my pills, I liked that occasional "other thing," etc., etc.,...but I was working out, running, and was probably in the best shape I've ever been in overall, drinks/drugs notwithstanding. Too, what had tantalized me in childhood as far as my tastebuds went didn't necessarily pack the same punch in adulthood. If I went on a long drive somewhere, and hadn't eaten, maybe I'd grab a "fast food" burger and fries, but invariably I regretted it. In time, that stopped.
A few years ago, while my father was still alive, I was traveling up from Maryland (where he lived out his last years with my sister), was coming up Rt. 31 in NJ, and I stopped at the Burger King. By that point, I had heard about the new "Impossible Burger," which was plant based and supposed to taste like those ol' fashioned meat hamburgers. Overly hopeful, I bought one, ate it, and decided I had been deceived. They were right; it was "impossible" (not in the way they used that word, obviously), tasteless. Just not worth the effort of buying it, or the price. Healthier than a beef burger? Maybe...but why bother?
Recently, the Lunchbox Mafia where I work in Hoboken decided to give 30 Burgers a try. Being a "team player," I placed an order with my associates. I subsequently reviewed the place on Yelp. The burger (not "Impossible" but a turkey burger concoction, as I remember it) was OK, but not enough to re-ignite my childhood love for fast food burgers.
When we were to order take-out again recently, the 1st choice was for Cuban, which I reluctantly agreed to. Not reluctantly because I don't love Cuban food (I do, although I don't know much about it), but because it wasn't going to do anything for my ongoing diet (I wanted to try the "wheat shake" and of course I wasn't going to be able to resist the Tres Leches cake) but the delivery time wasn't suitable for our schedule. The New Godfather (of lunch) suggested 30 Burgers again, but I wasn't enthused. He then said, "What about Marty's?" I had never heard of Marty's, but he informed me that it was a chain, with places in Jersey City, Hoboken, and Ft. Lee. To this, we all agreed.
Trying to stay somewhat healthy, I ordered the "Impossible Burger," deciding to give it another chance. (It's listed as being comprised of a vegetarian burger, vegan cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, pickles and a House Sauce.) I was going to order a side of the Mac'N'Cheese, because I'm a sucker for Mac'N'Cheese (another cherished dietary memory from my childhood; my mother made great Mac'N'Cheese), but finally decided not to, as most "fast food" Mac"N'Cheese I've ever ordered seems to arrive in front of me as a congealed, gummy, flavorless mess. So I ordered instead the "Original Fries," with the understanding that I'd split them with the Old Godfather (of lunch). (He's also trying to diet.) I was also going to go for a vanilla milkshake, but I find the "fast food" milkshakes I've ordered to be little more than an overly sweet, thickened foam. Why take on the added calories for such an insipid payoff? On further reflection, I passed and stuck with water.
In all honesty, I wasn't expecting too much. But the burger I had was actually pretty tasty. Part of that was because of the pickles, and a heavy hand with the saltshaker, but by the time I finished it, I halfway wished that I had ordered a 2nd one.
I don't think it's going to re-ignite that childhood weakness for fast food burgers. But I'd certainly be willing to give it another try at some point in the future. Maybe I'd even be willing to try the Mac'N'Cheese.
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