In the course of life, we all have struggles. Sometimes those struggles involve having money, or the lack there of. It happens to everyone: we are broke, we are hungry, and we don't want to eat tasteless noodles that will keep us malnourished. Starvation and depravity are real and they are like the Wu-Tang clan, they ain't nuthin to F with.
I was in this situation. Luckily, I was next to the establishment listed above and found that I had just the right amount of change Cheetos bag covered floorboard to snatch a "Hot and Ready" Pizza from above. I placed those quotations there since that is the actual name of their product, not some nice wordplay on the quality of their product.
Coins (and floorboard dust) in hand, I whipped my 97 Ford Escort right into the drive thru. I placed my order with the rusty and dilapidated noise box and pulled to the window. At said window, I was greeted with what I assume is Shrek after a coke binge with a morning jolt of Drain-O. The toothless monster took my money (exact change, because screw pennies) and handed me a grease spotted box with a smile. (I think that was a smile, could have been a mating sign for the drug addled.)
I took my box of depravity home and ripped that box open and found what can only be described as a cheese covered records with cancer spots. Seriously, this thing was like seeing a close up of Paris Hilton's butthole.
Not one to let the sight of food stop me, I closed my eyes and took a bite. I am fairly certain that Martha Stewarts titty sweat is better than this circle of dog crap. It was like a turd covered piece of cardboard. I spent hard forgotten change on this and I'll be damned if I was going to starve for this.
I threw the rest back into the box, hopped in my car, and returned it back to the walrus who waited on me before. This orca decided that it can't be replaced since I ate a bite off of it. After asking to see the head pizza dude in charge, she state that was her. I'm angry, hungry, and lonely. Add all of those together and I have a bad case of the "Don't Give A Darns" so I hopped in the counter, whipped my member out and shouted Viking chants as I slapped her in the face with it. I then got back in my car and did donuts in the parking lot while blasting my favorite cassette of a Motley Crüe mixtape. I showed them. read more