Yay, I'm review #100 of the best KFT in HOU! And I bumped it back up to 4 stars overall (it deserves 5)! We'll start with a nice rap since this is the best KFT location possibly anywhere!
It's been 10 minutes, and I'm DUE
For another drink from Kung FU
So now I'm going to rap for YOU
And if it really sucks, just BOO
So if you and your bf are THROUGH
And you need something (someone) to DO
Let me show you how my legend "GREW"
And all my urban myths are TRUE
Be glad your sister never KNEW
What we did, or she'd want me TOO
So do me like they do the DEW
And I'll stick atop you like GLUE
There is no taming of this SHREW
I'll be the driver, you the SCREW
You the river, me CANOE
Or you can be Barbie's sexy SHOE
Me Roger Daltrey, you the WHO
You Chinatown Houston, me LOU
Me dictator, you my COUP
You Nepal, me KATHMANDU
You 80s radio, me CUTTING CREW
You a doctor's office, me the FLU
You the Synagogue, me the JEW
You the toilet, me the POO
Wait, what
Anyway
Those boys will have to join the QUEUE
And wait until I'm done with YOU
You'll bounce like a KANGAROO
Cause we're lovers, not fighters like FOO
And when we're done (in a day or TWO)
After I've made your kitty MEW
And after I've finally WITHDREW
Then it's time to go to Kung FU!
WHAT
Pearland location. Barbie witnessed an explosion here. Her sexy red Pleaser heels were blown off her feet. Now missing. Where did the Pair Land? Please advise.
What to get: Lemon Black Tea With Tapioca!
Also: get some amazing Puffles to go with our Bubble Teas. I'm feeling kung-ry.
This is the best KFT location out of 10 in greater HOU. Great on every single occasion we've been in here. Tiny, but then so is your boyfriend, and you're still sort-of dating him, so.
A little bit of a pain to get to, and park at, adjacent spots all reserved for X clinic and Y office, annoying AF because KFT-goers have to walk for awhile to get Boba. But maybe that's a good thing, since Boba isn't exactly healthy.
So good that we'll literally drive miles out of our way, braving Houston traffic and the sh**ty construction on 288, or tolls of Belt 8, to get our beloved Lemon Black Tea here. We live by Montrose KFT, and are nightly within seconds Dun Huang KFT - yet we avoid both, and come here more often than Barbie in our bed.
The bathroom is lovely, with Amazonian decor that really transports you out of the uber modern, clean, quiet ambiance of the Pearland Town Center. Hanging out here is comfy and fun despite the lack of chairs. I just wish they had more customers - it's usually just us, or thereabouts. The cute monkeys are, well, cute AF.
Generally speaking, Kung Fu Tea scores 5, but the milk teas don't match up to the best chains: Sharetea, Gong Cha and Coco. But the Fruit Teas rock. Especially Lemon Black Tea which absolutely rocks my world. If it's not on the menu, demand it! Other fruit teas (Berry, Orange, Grapefruit) must also be ordered off-menu as Black Tea instead of the meh Green. I like Lemon Oolong too (hides).
Every bit as good as the Lemon Black Tea, are the Egg Puffs aka Puffles aka Bubble Waffles. Adorably, they break them into single puffles and put them in a bag, so it's more like french fries or popcorn (who else does that?), but more impressively, they taste more moist, more flavourful, more pillowy, and more under-done (which is how they should be) and yet piping hot instead of lukewarm (which is an absolute must), so I'd say these are probably the very best Egg Puffs I've had anywhere. As good as the street ones in Chinatown Manhattan. Gong Cha Houston makes great ones too. But these are our #1.
On our most recent trip to KFT Pearland I was able to talk to the owner for a while and he's super cool. We agree about the other locations, he has his head on straight, a really friendly guy. Now I just have to convince him to tell his new location (on I-10 inside 99 Ranch Spring Branch) to serve Lemon Black Tea as well, even though corporate is moronically, stupidly taking our drink (and KFT's best) off the menu. They still have all the ingredients needed, so it shouldn't be a huge issue.
Yes, come here. This is one of the best locations anywhere and if you want to find out how good a Lemon Black Tea with boba can be than this is the place to get it.
Now we'll finish with some more rap!
So like Britney and Tinache, I made you OOH
And now I'll introduce you to something NEW
I'll give you yummy Boba to CHEW
That defines a five-star REVIEW
Lemon Black Tea's what I'll give to YOU
It has a lot to LIVE UP TO
But I know you'll share my POINT OF VIEW
Like the 90's web you'll scream YAHOO
Palestine will hear you louder then NETENYAHU
Who's big on Google but not on YAHOO
Crap I just double-used YAHOO
Oh well, Altavista's dead, Excite TOO
And no, my income tax returns aren't TRUE
But like Joey said, that point is MOO
So before we get audited by internal REVENUE
Let's go and get Boba from KUNG FU!
(And let me know please when you're period's DUE)
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