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    Jacob McConnell

    5.0 (1 review)

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    5 years ago

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    MARRY ME OF TENNESSEE

    MARRY ME OF TENNESSEE

    (5 reviews)

    MY BIG FAT SHOTGUN WEDDING…read more Well butter my buns and call me a biscuit...imagine my surprise when I git the results from my Walmart E.P.T. test. Another baby comin' all the way from the back seat of a Trans Am to our happy, inapprop-adjacent family! Daddy just git outta prison cuz he brung the wrong half of a sawed-off shotgun to a porch-pirate shopping spree. He come from a long line of bad decision makers one sandwich shy of a picnik. If you can't run with the big dogs, stay under the porch, am I right?!? Bless his pea-peckin' little heart. Anyway he git madder than a wet hen when he heard I git knocked up again. He was fixin' to shoot my baby daddy Bubba right thru the noggin. Bubba git scared and was all "don't need to pitch no hissy fit. I'mma marry my purdy-as-a-pumpkin-but-half-as-smart cousin". Happy as a clam at high tide, we takin this 2-week relationship to the next level! Next day we went to the Marry Me chapel. I got a punch card so the fifth time ceremony is practically free! Since its whatcha call a "formal" weddin, daddy bring his white shotgun named "Face McShooty". The one he uses to shoot the crows off the roof is "Dick McCheney". I gussied up in my purdy-as-a-peach dress, the one with the lace and puffed up sleeves and a veil that cover half the parkin lot. Bubba, sweatin in his 2-size-too-small britches, look like he was as lost as last year's Easter Eggs as he stood up at that there altar. Bless his pea-peckin' little heart. Daddy he stood by my side with a smile that looked more like the grimace he have when he gits stopped up. Well we plumb did the ceremony and we git hitched! Like they say... fifth time's a charm! And daddy give us a weddin present - a brand new pair of SHINY TRUCK NUTS!! Later we went off like a herd of turtles to celebrate at the trailer park down yonder. It was cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table. We had so much Mountain Dew and dollar-store ketchup on Wonder Bread that I sit on my iphone and it become an ipad. Pro tip: great venue, reasonable price, and beautiful ceremony given by Mollie. Only place around that has a loyalty discount. Nice conversating with ya'll. Gimme a holler if ya need more details.

    My daughter and new son-in-law were just married here, and it was a wonderful experience. The staff…read moreis wonderful and very attentive! They made us all feel welcome and they really do give the individual attention and care that we had hoped for. I'd recommend them to anyone in the area looking for a simple but beautiful ceremony. Thank you!

    Jacob McConnell - officiants - Updated May 2026

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