Months ago, I signed up for Yvonne Kingsley's yoga class at Haum SF for the first time, shortly after resonating with her writing on Instagram.
The studio was located on the 5th floor in the middle of the Mission district, with big open windows overlooking the city of San Francisco. There was something very powerful about starting the class in stillness, fully awake to the perpetual noise of the city -- sirens and cars rushing past and people occasionally shouting.
The sounds of the city oriented me towards how far human civilization has come, bringing me to an acute awareness of the preciousness of life at the start of class: to be alive, to breathe and exist in this intricately complex, beautiful, and tragic world.
By the end of the class, I found myself laying in savasana, ugly crying and wiping away tears.
I cried because in that moment, everything came together: the atmosphere at Haum, Yvonne's timely guidance, and where my mind and heart was that week. An epiphany was gifted to me through the practice of yoga.
For as long as I remember, I perpetually chased "growth." Starting 7th grade, I spent Saturday mornings at Barnes and Nobles in the self-help aisle, devouring self-development, psychology, business books, and stealing SAT prep books that I didn't end up studying (don't tell my mom that I was an ex-book-thief). Everything I did, everything I pursued, I did to challenge myself to grow. There was never a time I let myself just "be," to just coast, to just enjoy where I was in life, to embrace where I was and who I was in the moment.
I could feel the consequences of my relentless pursuit of growth, productivity, and impact -- my relationships with family and friends stagnated and my world collapsed beyond the walls of my work and counseling room. During the pandemic, I was deeply unhappy, disconnected, and feeling as if my growth was stunted. This attachment to growth was creating chronic burnout, dissatisfaction, and imbalance.
In yoga, you are often practicing pairs of opposites. By moving through different postures, I can practice unclenching my effort, I can practice striving through discomfort, I can practice trusting myself when staying in the pose feels impossible, and I can practice just being.
In that final savasana pose, I felt an untightening, a letting go, an emotional release. I was beginning my path to fully letting go, fully surrendering my worship of growth.
Leaving the class lighter, beaming, and debriefing the class with my partner, I thought to myself, "Wow. Maybe I could see myself teaching yoga someday, to orchestrate the same kind of life-giving space and experience for others. I bookmarked that thought and waited to see how the pandemic would shape up, and now here I am applying for a Spring 200-Hour Training. In the last year, yoga has become a practice that has allowed this cerebral over-thinker to live in her body more. I want to join the spring training to deepen my learning, practice, and commitment to yoga as a life-long pillar in my life, and hope to also give that gift to others.
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Haumies, I applied for a yoga teacher partial scholarship sharing the story above, and just found out I was awarded. I will be starting the training in February! Right now, I am stoked at the idea of bringing yoga and Non-Violent Communication to our student community at Skyline, and am open towards wherever that takes me next. read more