One fine, crisp morning my casual roaming brought me to the most curious of bridges. Its underside lay incospicuously above a small split in the highway and from the depths of its shadows the most nauseating and blood-curdling sounds echoed forth, chilling me to the marrow.
Deep in the darkness lay the Fremont Troll, gnashing and grinding on the bones of less fortunate passer-bys, who obviously had little concern in their empty heads and let curiosity be their downfall. Being a bit light in sense myself, I decided to stop and investigate from a slight distance.
The crunching of bones continued for a moment, and for a fleeting moment I caught a glimpse of the beast in his lair. Long-faced and long-haired, it seemed to be squeezed into its space rather uncomfortably. Before I could make my swift escape, however, the creature had spotted me and bellowed forth. "Who goes there? Do you dare to walk upon my property?"
I was taken aback by the foul stench and sound that washed over me, and struggled to compose myself. Not to be outdone by a simple troll, I stood my ground.
"Just a humble salesman passing through, good sir," I responded as cheerfully as I could muster"
"A salesman of what wares?" it replied, slowing its meal.
"Why, a most amazing assortment of things, the likes of which you are unlikely to find elsewhere."
"Oh? Pray tell, what could a man of your size possibly offer a great troll like myself?"
"Only the most wonderful of things. Just this morning I got a shipment in of some lovely Not Theres"
"Not Theres?"
"Precisely."
"And what function could a Not There serve for me."
"Oh little function, they are merely for decoration. But a covetous troll like yourself would find them quite useful in that they cannot be stolen, for wherever you might place them, there they will be not. It is difficult to steal what is Not There."
The troll nodded approvingly. "Interesting item, but I find it simple enough to defend my property against robbers. What else do you have?"
"Well, I do have some Yours."
"Mine?"
"No, not Mine, Yours."
"I see."
"A wonderful item, though admittedly I've never had one to call my own, it being Yours and all."
"How much for Yours?"
"I'm afraid I cannot sell it."
"And why not?" The troll moved closer, aggravated.
"Because it is Yours. I couldn't very well give what is not Mine, for it is not mine to give."
The troll grew impatient and huffed.
"If you cannot sell me something I want or need then you are useless as a salesman. But you might make a find lunch." It started to creep closer, careful to avoid the sun, which would quickly turn it to stone.
"I do have one more item which is of some considerable value." With that I pulled a small box from my coat pocket.
"And what might that be that it is so valuable?"
"It is a Mystery."
The troll grew quiet and ponderous.
"Mysteries used to be cheap, as they were once so abundant. But mankind grew greedy and clever, and frankly Mysteries are scarce in this world, making them all the more valuable."
The troll's eyes filled with avarice, and it clutched absently at the air. "I must have it, for it must be a thing of beauty and wonder. Here," it pulled out a large gold coin, "will this suffice as payment?"
"Happily, good troll. That is a handsome payment for this item."
In a scramble the exchange was made, and the troll greedily clung to its prize. In a swift motion it opened the box, revealing a small leaf inside.
"Why, this is but a dead leaf. It is of no real value, I must ask for a refund."
"I'm sorry but I cannot buy it back from you. It's rather worthless now."
"You said it was worth a fortune!" The troll was truly angry now.
"It was, but now it is no longer a Mystery. I surely don't want it now."
The beast grew enraged and lunged out of the dark, crushing a nearby car under its mighty palm. But a bit of its fingertips caught the beams of sunlight, and instantly it was turned to stone. And it has remained that way ever since. read more