AVOID AT ALL COSTS!
The scent of a rose is an essential quality in the beauty of a rose. And as we know, "a rose by any other name would smell as sweet" except if they've been genetically engineered to not smell so sweet at all anymore, for some absolutely sinister and maniacal reason. So, ever since I learnt about this terrible GMO rose travesty to breed the scent out of roses, I've been on an epic quest for a simple pleasure ... to find a rose that actually smells like a rose. I want to have the scent of a dozen roses wafting everywhere and know there are roses somewhere before I actually lay eyes on that delicious dozen roses. I want to stick my nose right in there like a honeybee and take in a deep breath of rosy goodness. I want to give someone special a rose and have that rose be the scented gift that keeps on giving ... that beautiful rose scented gift for days or even weeks after.
So, I went to Fleurina and asked for a rose that had a rosy scent. The owner said she'd go to the wholesale flower market and get back to me. She called me a few days later and said that she had found my rosy smelling roses, that they smelt really strong and nice, and that I should come pick them up. I arrived and they were in the refrigerator so I didn't expect them to smell too strong at that point, so I took my flowers, paid the agreed 120$ and went on my merry way. I was super excited to cut these stems a bit and get them into some water in a nice vase and wait for them to open up. I did so and attentively anticipated that glorious rosy smell to develop as they warmed up. I was promised a very strong smelling rose and was super excited to smell that rosy scent develop and mature but sadly enough I was disappointed to smell nothing developing whatsoever. Two days go by and there is no scent. Four days and still nothing. A week passes and these roses are starting to wilt without even a whiff of anything remotely plantlike. Not even that acrid vegetal smell of decaying flowers ... nothing. Now, these roses are obviously, undoubtedly, and totally the non-scented GMO Frankenstein roses that I specifically asked the owner of Fleurina to not sell me. I call her and tell her that the supposedly strong and beautifully scented flowers she found me were in fact not scented at all. I actually took them back to her to smell for herself. She was very apologetic and said she would go back to the wholesale market to actually find some real scented roses this time.
So, she called me again and told me that this time for reals, she really got non-GMO rose scented roses and that I should come pick them up. I arrive again and this time the roses are wrapped up in paper, I take a whiff and I definitely smell something, so I pay another 120$ for this second dozen and get on my bike.
Now, folks, before I tell you what transpired next, let me be clear; I truly believe in the goodness of human beings. I believe that we can aspire to greatness and that our higher nature will always flourish. I believe that human being deserve love, compassion, respect, and charity just for being a living being.
The owner of Fleurina lied to me. She sold me exactly the same no-smell, scentless roses as the last time. Except this time ... and I kid you not ... SHE SPRAYED THEM WITH SOME CHEAP JEAN-COUTU PERFUME!!! At this point, I'm thinking specifically some Brittany Spears perfume or some shit.
At this point, I'm pretty pissed-off because as soon as I unwrap those flowers at home I was hit by the rancid and ratchet saccharine sweet smell of cheap-ass strawberry pharmacy perfume most likely meant for some teenybopper or tween. I am disgusted by the chemical esters that I just got gassed with. I am now on a warpath. I throw those roses-cum-chemical weapons in the basket of my bike and fly through NDG back to confront this florist and get my 120$ back.
Now, I didn't think I was actually as dumb as I look, but this florist certainly did think so because she was very surprised to see me back so soon. People really should not confuse circumlocutory politesse to mean idiocy or naïveté. This florist tried to convince me that this noxious scent permeating my home, my clothes, my lungs, and now this confrontation with her, was simply the natural scent of a rose. I asked her to admit that she had sprayed cheap perfume on these flowers she sold me and I demanded a refund. She tried to convince me of her innocence for about twenty minutes. I really had to explain to her that I was not an idiot, that I had in fact smelt roses in the past, and that she should confess to her deception. Finally, after much cajoling, she admitted to her hare-brained scheme. She refunded the 120$ that she charged me. I asked her to show me what she had sprayed on those poor roses and she pulled out a pink bottle of Just Me by Paris Hilton from behind the counter. read more
