This tracks back to about four years ago. Had a side window broken and someone recommended this clown show.
They send out some country bumpkin named Billy Bob Joe and looked at it and said it was doable in a language with so much southern twang to it, I needed HAL 2000 to decipher it. I said "fine" and he left to put in the order.
BBJ shows back up with this giant lifted truck that ran over 2 basketball goals, 5 bicycles and a cat which had my tiny RAV 4 window in it. BBJ tells me he got it handled and it will be a few minutes while simultaneously killing my grass with his tobacco spitting. After he was done, the job looked good and while I'm trying to avoid drowning in a giant pool of tobacco spit, he hands me the bill. I give it to my wife to pay as I have to go to work. I assumed it's handled.
Months go by and I get a call from this circus. Apparently, the bill wasn't paid. According to my wife, she gave a check to Sling Blade. I relayed this info to them and left it at that.
Years past, and I am living in Japan. I get a call at 2am JST as I was getting ready to go to bed after studying Japanese for hours on end. Lord and behold, I got this chick from Hee Haw. She starts going on and on and on in whatever hillbilly language she speaks. My language translation app basically decided it had enough and proceeded to go into a coma. I finally was able to piece together the dialect and she was wanting payment for a bill we already paid. After informing her that I moved and I won't be back in the states for a while, she hung up.
A few months later, I get yet another call. At this point, my wife can't find the bill as everything is in storage. Dolly Parton wannabee is now threatening me that her boss, Gomer Eugene Rockefeller Earnhart. was wanting to have me arrested by the AN-US-A, EF-BEE-EYE, and the ever famous....SEE-EYE-A! I told them I am in Japan and I cannot find any history of payment owed and that our records are in storage in the United States.
Dolly Parton wannabee has a sidekick who apparently uses way too much blonde coloring when dyeing her hair because she wanted to know why I was using a Ja Pan when a perfectly good skillet from Walmart (God bless the USA!) would do while her boss could be heard quoting the lines from the greatest movie to ever represent the south: Deliverance. While this redneck hick was screeching out the lines "Now you just drop dem draws and squeal like a pig!", he overheard me mention Japan, he then yelled across the trailer park wondering if Japan was the country that helped Germany bomb Pearl Harbor and that I was an anti-American for helping Japan sink American Battleships in the Port of Havana. Something about the USS Maine...
Realizing what I was up against, the combined intellect of this company barely beat out the temperature of an ice cube in an igloo during a blizzard in Alaska, I asked to setup a payment plan in a small dollar amount that would give me time to get back to the States and check the archive boxes.
Needless to say, they didn't honor it and just ransacked an account and helped themselves to whatever was in it. I called and asked why and was told that Gomer Eugene Rockefeller Earnhart didn't like the fact I helped Japan get Germany to bomb Pearl Harbor and that Beni Hana was in fact a secret communist spy network and that he was ordering up a ton of baby oil because P-Diddy told him to during one his prison calls.
Moral of the story: Never let hillbillies touch your stuff, keep all records readily available and learn history because Germany never bombed Pearl Harbor. Japan did.
Peace out. read more
