I wrote the following stream of consciousness journal entry here yesterday and just thought I'd share:
I write this to you from DeSalvio Park with my black coffee and a sandwich from Parisi Bakery, having wrapped up my grocery store rotisserie chicken review series. I'm a little lost. I feel like a ship without a rudder, an eagle with no wings, or an NBA Hall of Famer who has recently hung them up. With all my structure being gone, what do I do now?
When I start doing other types of food reviews, are the fans still gonna love me? Will they abandon me? Was it the chicken they liked, or was it me they liked?
I'd love to sit here and say I'm full of confidence and 100% conviction in what comes next, but the harsh reality is I'm not. Not at all. I LOVE making videos so much that I am scared to death at the real possibility that I have hit my peak. Maybe it's all downhill from here... and I have to be okay with that.
I never say this out loud, not even to my closest friends, but I have this huge, lofty dream of being able to travel the world, highlighting all different types of food, culture, and experiences from across the globe. It genuinely excites me. Traveling, soaking up some culture, and seeing how other people live is the most alive I have ever felt. It's the only time I've felt a chill through my bones with that unshakeable feeling of "this is why I am on this earth. This is why God created me." I see it so clearly, but what is the next step to getting there? I genuinely have no idea right now.
I'm working on a few things. The main one being a longer form youtube show that I am very excited about, but I know how hard it is to get some motion on there. There are no guarantees that will work out. There are no guarantees anything will work out. It is the most likely scenario that I will have to work this 9-5, selling software that I do not care about at all for the rest of my life.
If I were saying this to my amazing Mom, she'd say "Tumbo, what would you tell yourself if you were talking to a friend in this exact situation?"
I'd say something along the lines of: "First off, success is in the effort. You've given EVERYTHING you have this year. You should be proud of yourself even if you got no followers from any of this, you've worked so hard.
2nd off, you've created something from scratch that people like and care about. Take some pride in that. It's beautiful. A year ago, you were just going wherever the wind took you. This year, you grabbed life by the horns and made it your own. Not many people walking this earth can say that. Graveyards are filled with people who said 'I'll start tomorrow.'
3rd off, what were you going to do? Keep eating and reviewing grocery store rotisserie chickens until you've hit every grocery store in the world? Then you'd be in the same place that you are right now, just in a deeper hole.
You can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards. You should only do what feels right to you and you only, take all external pressures and influences out of it."
I stopped at 100 different grocery store birds, and to be honest it felt right. From the outside looking in, maybe it looks wrong to walk away and give up a good thing while it's going so well, but I don't want to be the Chicken Guy forever. I have bigger dreams than that, and I just know in my heart it's time to move on.
I take inspiration from the Dave Chappelles, Andrew Lucks, and Sandy Koufaxs of the world. They left on top, on their own terms, all leaving piles of cash on the table.
I understand how wild and unserious this must look reading this from an outside perspective, but writing things down, getting thoughts out of my head and onto paper is the best way for me to process my feelings. After writing this all and reading it back, even I realize how silly it sounds. But it was real to me in the moment I wrote it. Maybe I shouldn't have posted this, but whatever. It will be funny to come across this review 5 years from now.
Maybe I'll realize my dreams, but it's far more likely that I won't. And that's okay. All that matters to me is that I try my damn best. Success is in the effort.
IG @johnny.novo
Tiktok @jnov__
Substack @johnnynovo read more