Across San Francisco there are little surprises worth documenting and sharing, and Denhard's is one of them. There are eleventy zillion corner shops strewn about the city but this one stands above the rest for one very important reason; little foil wrapped chocolate eggs.
They are called Kinder Surprises and the US Federal Government hates them more than Cuban cigars.
The proprietor obviously doesn't care for Washington's overreaching bullyboy tactics when it comes to confectionary. In a display of brazen entrepreneurial defiance, customers are provided the opportunity to walk in, exchange money for chocolate, and walk out. This simple economic exchange could be used as an example in the foreword of an Introduction to Basic Economics text. It could also land the customer behind bars.
Most people in the United States are oblivious to those little chocolate morsels because of section 402(d)(1) of the Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act. The bureaucrats in Washington have lots of issues they could be addressing; rampant unemployment, abysmal education standards, a growing illiteracy rate, the resurgence in tuberculosis cases, crumbling infrastructure... but they chose to turn their attention and resources to making sure we are protected from that insidious, morally depraved, culturally intrusive European chocolate. The bureaucrats decided to come up with a law which provides that confectionery having partially or completely imbedded therein any non-nutritive object is adulterated unless FDA has issued a regulation recognizing that the non-nutritive object is of practical functional value to the confectionery product and would not render the product injurious or hazardous to health.
That is Washington-speak for "we won't allow food with toys in it because we decided it is evil." So Kinder Surprises are banned in the US. Our Canadian cousins can have them because the bureaucrats in Ottawa have better things to do. Our Australian and South African friends can buy them because their governments are more concerned with weightier issues. Even Venezuelans and Laotians can walk down to the corner store and buy Kinder Surprises. Those people don't even speak English! In fact, there is an interesting correlation between civilized nations which allow Kinder Surprises, use the metric system, and aren't bothered by exposed breasts but object to the glorification of meaningless death on television and nations still clinging to barbarism as evidenced by actively prohibiting citizens from consuming Kinder Surprises, complete intimidation by the metric system, a puritanical need to conceal all breasts, but the loving embrace of any and all gratuitous violence on television.
Kinder Surprises are manufactured by the same company that makes Tic-Tac and Nutella. We're not talking about an international munitions manufacturer making bullets to kill children, or a multinational chemical firm making the concoctions that will mutate kids. We're not even talking about big tobacco. This law might make sense except for the fact that Cracker Jack has a toy imbedded in it and that's OK. Breakfast cereal regularly has toys embedded in it and that's OK. But let one of them pesky foreign firms embed a toy in chocolate and the next thing you know we'll be subjected to exposed breasts on television and the weather forecast will be in Celsius!
The product is simple; a chocolate egg covered in colorful foil. Within the egg is a toy. A simple idea that appeals to children - but terrifies Washington. US Customs Agents actively look for Kinder Surprises in the luggage of Americans crossing back over from Canada. They confiscate the chocolate eggs and punish the evil chocolate traffickers. Remember, this nation has the death penalty.
The rationale is that American children would choke on the toy. Allow Kinder Surprises in and kids across the United States would start dropping like flies. Remember last year when 1.2 million German children choked to death on chocolate? Remember back in 1986 when the entire state of New South Wales was devoid of children due to Kinder Surprise-related coking deaths? No? Somehow those foreign children avoid killing themselves on the imbedded toy in side Kinder Surprises. American children avoid killing themselves on the toy inside Cracker Jack... one would think the skill is transferable.
Washington is known for its hypocrisy. Case in point - the night before his Cuban embargo was to go in to effect JFK sent Pierre Salinger out to purchase as many 1200 H. Upmann Petit Corona cigars as he could find because Kennedy, being a Kennedy, lived by a different set of rules. He didn't want us having Cuban cigars, but he wanted to make sure he had a steady supply.
If you've had enough of the Washington hypocrisy, then get yourself to Denhard's and buy a Kinder Surprise and defy the nanny state as you savor the chocolate and assemble the toy. What better way to shake your fist in the face of the man? read more
