I just wanted a drink... On the way to work this morning, I stopped at an Exxon gas station. I do this sometimes to pick up a 20oz of Coke or a snack, etc, so it's pretty normal. Today, I stopped at the second such station on the way to work (there are two), after driving by the first and thinking "No, I'll wait". Waiting was a mistake. Now, I'm sure just about everybody reading this has stopped at a gas station and purchased a beverage before, and I'm also pretty sure that it was a REALLY, REALLY, REALLY easy thing to do. However, for me, it was not an easy thing to do - no, folks, I was subjected to mother fucking arts & crafts time when purchasing a beverage!
You see, my good friends and readers (and Romans? And countrymen?), when I pulled my last ratty Washington from my pocket, a corner tore off. Oh, this was no horrible tear (...but it was apparently a terror for the cashier), it was simply 1/4" piece that ripped off the upper left corner. Sure, it was right through the "1", but it's not a big deal, right? Hell, I recall a bank having given me bills worse than this!
I did what any ordinary person would do: I handed the minorly-damaged $1 bill to the cashier (along with 3 quarters and a nickel). She promptly took the 80 cents, and then looked up at me. This is when the fun began. This is when I realized I had left my glue stick and safety scissors at home. This is when I wanted to pound my head against a wall. This is when I wanted to go thirsty.
"I can't take that bill like that", the obviously moronic cashier informed me.
I was taken aback. I thought she was joking. I looked at her face - her expression didn't seem to be one of humor... What is going on?
I quickly replied, "What? Of course you can, it's barely damaged. I get dollars like that all of the time."
"No, it's ripped and it needs to be fixed," she said.
"Okay so can yo-", I muttered.
Cutting me off, the lady said, "No, you're going to fix it. I'm going to get you some tape and you are going to fix it, then I'll take it."
I was in serious shock now. I didn't know what to say. This lady was being serious. SHE REALLY WANTED TO PLAY ARTS AND CRAFTS WITH A DOLLAR BILL. I was hoping she'd bring back some glitter with the tape, and maybe some ribbon... Why stop at fixing it? Why not dress it up and make it all cutesy?
She brought the tape back to me and handed me a piece. I "fixed" the tear and handed it to her. I started to turn to leave, having had enough of this nonsense. However, before I could finish my one step to the right (there was no jump to the left), I was yelled at.
It was the cashier again, informing me that the bill wasn't up to her high-horse standards. She spoke down to me like she were a teacher and I were a kindergarten student, "Honey, come on now! You know this isn't right! Is that what it's supposed to look like? Really now, you can do better than that! What is wrong with you!?"
I stared at her for a few seconds, while she held the bill, arm extended out towards me, expecting me to fix it. I sighed, took the bill and fixed it (there was a 1/16" gap when I had taped the pieces together - the horror!), handing it back to her.
She accepted the bill, said "That's much better, dear. It looks right this time unlike the first time! Thank you!", all in a completely condescending tone, and immediately turned and put it in the register.
I made sure to tell her "You're welcome" in the same condescending tone, and then ended up with "So that was the most idiotic customer service experience I've ever had."
Clearly, I was dealing with an expert crafter. She's probably won Craft Wars or something and was offended that I didn't recognize her. I probably should've apologized to her FOR LEAVING MY SMOCK AND GLUE STICKS AT HOME! ...or maybe she just feels powerless at her low paying job and needed to get over on somebody. Either way, fuck that lady... I can honestly say that it was the second-worst customer service experience I've ever had, and that's only because I've been to McDonald's before. read more
