Alas, the infamous recession busting €1.99 chick'n'fillet roll offer is coming to a close, the seemingly endless sale is over and the blanket has been lifted from our eyes to reveal the truth about 'Centra on Dame Street'.
I remember falling victim to 2 chick'n'fillet rolls, a breakfast roll and a portion of sausage rolls w. soda,(orange) during a single night of drunken indulgence and lavish food purchasing. I kid you not, I ate the majority of the feast on the walk to a friends accommodation at Griffith college and woke up still with a breakfast roll shoved into my sleeve which of course, I polished off to conclude the fruitful excursion. Nevertheless, the remarkable value offers are unfortunately over and 'Centra on Dame Street' has been brought once again to my attention for a different reason. The ghastly speculated truth of the edibles origin.
To begin with, we must recognize the fact that we are a demanding and unmerciful race of drunken messers when the sun goes down. It is not hard to walk down any street in Dublin on a Friday night (even a Monday evening), and bare witness to unholy debauchery and self demoralizing. Countless times have I pitied the moonlight deli workers having to deal with our shameful states. It is no wonder there are possibly hundreds of people working at 'Centra on Dame Street' at any one time. Many of them undoubtedly need long periods of time off after each shift but thankfully they relentlessly return to serve our disgraceful community. However, The punctuality and efficiency of which 'Centra on Dame Street' is run with is extraordinary due to the contrasting lackadaisical attitude towards thieves. They seem to be motivated towards keeping everything running as quick as possible without bringing attention to trivial matters such as theft or giving wrong change. How could this be?, I thought, that a huge countrywide business chain could not pay attention to such important small details? Then I began my speculation. How is it that they could afford to produce such cheap rolls? how is it that the extra salads almost cost as much as the roll+ meat itself? How is it that there is always so many staff being hired but you never see the same ones twice?
I went into 'Centra on Dame Street' to further my investigation into the missing staff members, and unusual focal points of attention. To deflect their suspicious eyes, I ordered a quiche to be microwaved under my supervision after a minor quarrel over who was next in line with a drunken meat head set on 3 portions of traditional garlic cheesy chips. I'm not going to lie, the quiche was rubbish, without the recession busting roll extravaganza, the business is doomed. Now we find out why. I slide my hand under the glass door and took a plain chicken fillet and put it down my trousers to avoid suspicion. The security I image are told to watch for anyone keeping food after they have left the venue and confiscate it. I brought the fillet to my brother doing his junior cert science mocks and asked him to test it to see just what was in it. I initially was concerned that the breadcrumbs might have been made partially of old shredded newspaper but what was to be reveal was far more horrifying. The result came back a week later and to my surprise... 11% was chicken, 14% was old shredded newspapers and 88% was in fact, human meat.
With only ourselves to blame for demanding such an unscrupulous amount of low quality cheap undisclosed meat matter in such a feckless manner every night without fault, it is only ourselves to blame for the murder of countless deli staff that were sacrificed for fast and efficient 24 hour service, 7 days a week. If there are any moral sanctions to be dished out, it is to you, the unsuspecting cannibal. I give 'Centra on Dame Street' 3 stars, for efficiency and brutal monopolization of the lower end deli industry but they lack full marks for taking shortcuts in terms of produce selection. read more