If you enjoy the taste of food poisoning, this is the place for you! During a recent trip to Colorado, I visited this place with my best friend. I checked the Yelp reviews before coming in, and I cautioned him against it. But there's no arguing with some people, and I can't force intelligent decision making. So, off we went.
We went through the drive-thru. The guy taking our order severely lacked a personality. He might as well have said, "get your shit and get out" as that's what his tone said. He also didn't know how to make change from a $20 bill. That should have screamed we were in trouble right there. But, I digress. I elected to eat at McDonald's, which was better, cheaper, and faster. That should tell you exactly how this disaster went.
My best friend ordered the deluxe seafood platter. The description online says, "For the greatest seafood variety we combine two classic batter dipped fish fillets, four premium breaded shrimp, two seafood stuffed crab shells, hush puppies and your choice of two regular sides." This lovely description wasn't actually on the menu. I had to look it up online to find out what the hell he ordered. It wasn't exactly obvious when he opened the box.
The fish was moderately edible. There was copious amounts of batter on the outside, and he picked off a ton. It was fried to an extra-crispy tempura-like texture. The shrimp he chewed a whopping three times before spitting it out. It had a very rubbery texture to it, and tasted like sour cat shit. The seafood stuffed crab shell (I didn't even know this was a thing until my trip here!) tasted like chewing on rubber, and felt springy. Like I could have thrown it across the room and it would have bounced when it landed on the floor, like a bouncy ball. I almost wanted to do this just to try it, except I wasn't in the mood to clean up the grease splatter when it was done. It smelled burnt and was covered in grease. If I hadn't gone online to find out exactly what he ordered, I wouldn't have been able to distinguish what this was. I thought it smelled like rotten fish that had been burnt. The cole slaw was actually the best part of his meal. Although it was clearly a commercial grade product that was store bought, so it was nothing to rave about. Just more edible than the rest of the crap in a box he ordered. The bread stick included in this meal was harder than a rock. I actually picked it up and hit my best friend on the hand with it. I could hear it hit him, it was that solid and tough. I wasn't about to attempt to bite into it, as I likely would have dislocated my jaw.
He ordered this platter without hush puppies, asked for no malt vinegar, but wanted cocktail sauce and extra tartar sauce. It came without the hush puppies, copious amounts of malt vinegar, no cocktail sauce, and a moderate amount of tartar sauce. I mean, how hard is this to get right? All of these things are included, and I don't think it was too much information. It's not like he asked for specific amounts of items. But the cashier's attitude probably had something to do with it, not to mention he was busy having a panic attack over having to make change from a $20 bill.
The time it took in the drive-thru wasn't all that long, maybe ten minutes. I mean, I was bored out of my mind, but sitting in the car with my bestie, I had some time for good conversation. If I had been on my own, I probably would have started debating the many ways to kill myself when I ran out of things to read on my phone. In comparison to other's wait times, it wasn't horrible.
Would I return? Only if I suddenly find myself drunk, high, and retarded, all at the same time. Otherwise, I prefer not to die from food poisoning, or become deathly ill. So the answer is no. I would not return. The customer service is severely lacking. Wal-Mart greeters making minimum wage have more personality. I also prefer my food not to be swimming in grease and rotting for a week before I order it. I hate any kind of fast food or processed food these days, and the McDonald's I ordered was far better than anything I tasted on his platter. I'm honestly kind of amazed this place is still in business.
Review 91 of 2017. read more