Was here for my birthday with family and friends and we had a pretty average experience…read more
The staff were kinda non-existent. Do they have staff? I don't remember seeing any. It was pretty quiet at the time we arrived and the staff seemed to have all the time in the world to serve, so they took that time. I remember walking up to get a drink for 3 of us and it taking an eon to get attention, and an aeon to get served. The beer tap must be set to boring, because it took so long to pour I was taking photos of photos (how meta of me).
The space itself is quite festive. Sexy lighting and contrasting colours all give off this wonderful vibe. Exposed brick. Nice one, never seen that before. The red and blue awning is sahweet (like lemon).
First impression in the back courtyard was the stale beer smell. I couldn't work out where it was coming from... till I picked it up... the menus, which are laminated, had obviously been wiped down with the same rag that is used to clean up the beer slops bucket. They were sticky, still wet, and smelly. It wasn't a good start.
The courytard area itself was actually nicely closed off and offered us a semi-private section to celebrate whilst above us others enjoyed a Sunday arvo sesh.
The menu is really ambitious. Sweet Portuguese slow dances with a spicy Jamaican, whilst traditional Chinese seduces a redneck American.
The hit dish was the Jerk Salmon w chinese brocolli and pineapple salsa . My birthdaygänger (non-twin same-day diff-year birthday) had this and was gushing at its glory.
I had the BBQ Texas scotch fillet w potato bacon and jalapeno salad. It sounded superb, but the steak was poorly cooked, a large chunk of un-rendered fat sat un-tantalisingly in the middle of the scotch fillet, which itself lacked seasoning and had the consistency of a flogged horse. Upon seeing the dish I immediately regretted not ordering the sliders, which come in 4 varities, and at 4 for $20 (or $6 each) seemed like good value, and looked good - though the girls that chose them, weren't raving - so if I could pick again it'd be that Jerk Salmon.
The Aspen fries with pecorino, truffle & rosemary (what's the deal with truffle fries these days???) sounded amazing, and the first few tasted good, before you realise that the flavours don't really work that well together, and what you get is really over-powered by cheese and salt with that distinct hit of rosemary... you can't even taste the potato. After a handful, two of us sharing a bowl left the remainder. Everyone at the table tried them, thought they were great, but more than half the serving was left un-finished.... Speaks for itself.
Lamb ribs looked dry instead of juicy, and whilst I too was assured they were good, they went unfinished also. The prawn, green papaya and peanut salad was a poorly composed dish that gave the impression it was lacking additional elements. It was also rather sauce-less making the overcooked prawns dry and uninviting.
Inside in the bottoms up bar, it looks like The Balmain has tried to ingratiate itself to the selfie-stick-loving, social-media muppets of society. If that's our future, somebody help us. Nobody wants to live in a world where in order to go to the pub, people need to get dressed up in their trendiest outfits, and spend half their night in the pop-up photo booth, creating photos, to put on their facebook to pretend how great their mediocre life is... So mediocre, in fact, that they spent it at The Balmain taking photos of themselves all night with a fake smile instead of actually going somewhere they enjoyed and living in the moment, then and there, rather than savouring one that never existed.
Woah! (end rant)
I probably would come back to The Balmain again, but would skip the food and do the Sunday arvo sesh upstairs instead... That looked like fun. No pretention, just a few bevvies with buds in Balmain.
