How does one rate what Ashland has done for so many struggling, desperate women? Women like me, who spiraled to a depth of a painful, hopeless despair I never imagined was possible, for anyone! There aren't enough stars.
16 years ago yesterday, I stumbled through the doors of a place called, 'Ashland'. I had never heard of it. But wonderful, sober people, I met at the Do It Sober morning meeting, asked a drunken me, if I wanted to try a women's recovery home, there was a bed available and they would take me there. I looked at their faces, as I drank the vodka I had in my Gatorade bottle, and I heard a voice say, "yes, I am ready". I looked around to see who spoke the words. Oddly, I thought, all the faces were looking at me, nodding and saying, 'That's great Lena.' Had I spoken? I didn't remember saying the words. But in that moment, something in me had shifted a bit, and I said 'OK...I'll go'. I walked through the doors of Ashland and did the first humble thing I had done in many years. I surrendered...I gave up the fight....I put up the white flag...I had given the fight everything I could and more...and I lost!!! I was beaten into a state of desperation....the first of many gifts to come....I said, as I crossed the threshold, 'I give. Show me what to do'. [I remember thinking, I give, & I also give all my resentments, all the pain of disappointment, I don't care about them anymore, just show me how to get and stay sober....and then it felt like a huge release of a weight fell from my shoulders]. For the first time, after many failed attempts, I committed to getting sober someone else's way, The keys of willingness, honesty & openmindedness had opened the door a bit for me. After intake, I was put to bed in the detox room to sleep off the vodka. Never, will I ever forget waking after a few hours. I felt I was surrounded by a powerful, loving spirit. I couldn't understand it, but I knew I was loved and whatever place this Ashland was, it felt so safe and it felt filled with a powerful loving spirit. I had my first experience, my introduction to a spirit that surrounds us all, cares for us, and fills us with the hope and love we need to begin to heal, to open us up to see that beautiful light of recovery being shone on the path before us, and the strength, one day at a time, to follow that path. We have been blessed with the gift, the opportunity to grow into becoming the women our creator wants us to be. Happy, joyous and free. Learning, laughing, loving and giving....for fun and for free.....Left to my own devices, I would have missed the whole show, I would have missed the best our life experience can offer. From a woman who walked in hopeless despair, with a sense of impeding doom, I walk today in joyful anticipation, hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe and with you, my brothers & sisters in Alcoholics Anonymous. Thank you to Ashland, and to all the many wonderful, amazing women, who shone their beautiful lights on this amazing path, that my stumbling feet could find their way.
Forever in gratitude,
Lena Macdonald read more