When my homie and I went to see Radiohead in April, we figured Ace Hotel would be a chill yet somewhat upscale hotel exuding Portland's notorious hipster vibe.
Well, we were right about the chill factor. I could endure the glacial lobby, but in hindsight, our wintry welcome was the tip of this sinking iceberg.
Since each hotel room has its own design concept, I assumed we booked the poorly insulated igloo theme. There wasn't any trendy interior decor, save an owl wall decal, to indicate otherwise.
Igloo glamping, really; a single, flimsy shower curtain separated the bathroom from the rest of the room.
I shit you not: a SHOWER CURTAIN. What happens in the bathroom does not stay in the bathroom, but instead reverberates through the walls, spraying sounds straight into the ears of anyone else within the entire room.
Just brace yourself for a symphony of even an inkling of tinkling while you're trying to read, relax, or do what most normal guests do in hotels.
Insider tip: The Stumptown coffee shop downstairs has a throne of a toilet, should you not want your business to be the business of whoever you're staying with.
But back to the igloo. Our room was freezing, and remained shiver-status no matter how much we adjusted the thermostat. Burrowed in two sweaters and a jacket, I was still shivering.
We called the front desk, who sent up a friendly but seemingly clueless (he arrived without any kind of tools) flannel-shirt flaunting dude. Or maybe he was a lumberjack, I haven't seen many technicians rocking that uniform.
Flannel Man basically did to the heater what I do when my computer isn't working: he turned it off, then turned it back on.
He then told us he'd go downstairs to check whether the system was showing up as broken on the mainframe.
Fifteen minutes or so later, Flannel Man came back to report that the system wasn't showing up as broken. He fiddled with the nobs some more (high tech maneuvers) and then told us that if the problem continued, they'd send up space heaters and blankets.
After about 30 minutes and two pulls of vodka (resorting to Russian warmth methods), we called the front desk begging for those space heaters and blankets.
Finally, survival equipment arrives: two space heaters.
And then the power goes out.
Twice.
A significant amount of our evening was spent making calls to management, who were delayed with both repairs as well as delivering basic customer service.
When my friend mentioned the possibility of us getting a different room after the first blackout, the hotel staff asked whether we'd be willing to pay for an upgrade.
It wasn't until the power went out a second time that they agreed to move us to a new room the next few nights.
And this room must have been shmancy status, because it had not a shower curtain but an actual DOOR separating the bathroom from the main room.
Also worth noting: the room service menu had a total of 5 items--can that even be considered a menu?--and breakfast delivery was not an option.
Since they finally upgraded us after a nippy night (solution to power outages: use one space heater instead of two), Ace earns 2 stars instead of just 1. read more