I called the day before to make an appointment. It was immediately obvious that the person…read moreanswering the phone didn't understand English. I asked for 2pm tomorrow. "Yes," I think she said. I asked how much for one hour massage? "$80," I think she said. And then she hung up. No "goodbye", no "see you tomorrow", no "thank you." I showed up at 140pm for my appointment. My day had gone smoother than anticipated and I was running early. I was prepared to wait if necessary. My showing up early seemed to blow her mind. She said "You call yesterday?" "Yes," I said. She kept saying I would need to wait until 2pm (I think). Okay, no problem. Then, she came out and told me I'd need to wait 30 minutes (I think). Okay fine. I believe she was eating her lunch in the back room and kept coming back out to check on me and make sure I knew I'd need to wait. It was disconcerting because there was a lot of words I didn't understand. In a bit, she came back out and said "One hour." Now, I'm getting mad. I said "I have to wait one hour?" "Yes," she said. I sat there a minute thinking about it. I finally decided no, I will go somewhere else. There was one other person in the place getting a massage. There was a door open and I could see a fully naked man lying there. They didn't even try to be discreet with him. Every time the lady asked me a question and I answered her, she would go back to the room of the other person getting a massage and talked to that massage therapist. They would raise voices and get all excited and then that's when she'd come back out and tell me another time I needed to wait. I'm sure the guy getting a massage really felt relaxed with all of that hullabaloo going on. I started putting my earrings back in my ears and getting ready to leave. This seemed to light a fire under her. She then says "One hour massage?" I said "yes." She asks for my $80. Wait. I usually pay AFTER my massage everywhere else I go. Nope. She needs my money now. I'm paying by credit card. There's a $3 fee. Great. Love that. Not. She insists that I go ahead and sign the receipt now. I said "What about the tip? Don't you want a tip at the end?" She doesn't understand. I blew it off. Let's see if a tip is warranted, I'm thinking. So far I'm not impressed. She tells me she needs my ID. "Why?" I asked. She doesn't say. She says "Need ID." I hand her my Texas drivers license and pray this isn't some kind of scam, identity fraud, something sinister. She keeps it for a very long time as she writes down everything on the license. It was making me very nervous. Why does she need this? She motions for me to come now for a massage, not in one hour. I said "So you're ready for me now?" She said "Yes" as if the entire aforementioned broken conversation didn't just happen. I was so confused and flustered. This was a Christmas present from my husband that I was just now taking advantage of. He didn't give me a gift certificate for any specific place, just a note saying go get a massage whenever you want, his treat. He knows it's my favorite way to pamper myself, but they're expensive. I don't do it often. We are full-time RVers and travel the country. It was kind of a big deal to splurge on myself on this day, but Ft. Myers seemed the perfect place to get super relaxed. I go back for the massage. I've had probably 30 massages in my lifetime, and they usually come with some sort of instructions. The massage therapist usually says something like "wear whatever you like or don't. Lie face down, OR we'll start face up. Do you want a full-body massage or just concentrate on back and neck? hips? Something else?" Nothing. No instructions. She showed me the room and left before I knew what was happening. I stripped down to what I was comfortable with, and laid face down on the table. She came in and started working on me. She must've eaten her lunch very quickly because I kid you not, she burped the entire time she was massaging me. It was gross and disgusting. I know she thought she was doing it quietly, but she was not quiet enough. She gave a great back massage or I would've said something about the disgusting burping. Also, neck and shoulder massage was wonderful. I felt she had used at least 40 minutes on all of that. I was getting nervous. Does she know I want arms and legs done too? So I looked up and asked "Full body massage?" She says in broken English "I don't understand." I said "Arms? Legs?" She said a little flustered that I'd need to turn over. Okay, then tell me that. I cannot read your mind. And obviously, she can't read mine. She did a really crappy job on my arms and legs. She was over me and I could tell. I was frustrated about this and quite over her too. I came in to get the full zen treatment. Had she been really nice, accommodating, not burping, I was ready to pay for an hour and a half, maybe two hours.
