If you are about to give up, try this.
I swear on my life, it works.
I walked into my psychiatrist's office after trying every med we could, and point blank asked for Lithium. I would be okay giving up laughing, which was rare, if it meant not crying again, which was all the time. This was after trying ECT (Electro-Convulsive Therapy). After countless stays in the hospital. After looking up if Psycho-Surgery was still a thing (think modern lobotomy). After, admittedly doing so in quiet and secret, looking into Dignitas International. She said, let's try Ketamine instead. So I tried the clinic she works for as her other job, and they didn't take my insurance. But TruHealth does. And so that was basically it. I scheduled my introductory session, met the team, they met me, and thankfully decided I was a great candidate and we scheduled my six treatments for inside ten days which is how it goes. I'm just finishing up treatment five.
I thought I was going to fail Ketamine too. I thought it was going to be just another treatment that couldn't help me, and then I was going to die. But now? I can't wait for tomorrow. I smile again, for no reason other than I'm happy, and that makes me smile. Like my PHQ-9 and GAD-7 (if you're looking at coming here you probably have a good familiarity with the "in the past two weeks have you...." questionnaires, I'm so familiar and have taken them so long I know them by name) scores are usually so high people look at me with concern and ask follow-up questions. They're like 20, or higher. Sometimes I lie to keep the numbers down so I don't have to worry about an involuntary vacation from society. Now? They're like 0. My highest score is basically a 1 because I'm not sleeping for 8 hours, I wake up early and just want to start going at it. I don't need to take my prazosin for nightmares anymore, I used to be taking 15mg to combat the nightmares and now I just sleep. I just. Sleep.
The stress and turmoil from outside the world is still there but I process it and handle it differently now, it's like I had all the dust shaken out of me and then the power box was flipped all the way off then all the way back on for a full reset. Things that would've been a catastrophe before are barely blips right now. I just respond better, I'm better able to use my skills and better able to interact with people. For all I believe, in two weeks they literally cured the things that are holding me back and causing me to be on Social Security Disability Income, and my doctors and I think a good plan going forward is me going to be trying to go back to the work pool as of Monday or Tuesday after my last infusion.
I'm so excited to see how I feel after the sixth infusion before we enter the maintenance schedule, because I never thought I would feel this way. I sat in my room the other night crying because I think this is what "normal" feels like. I don't feel trapped by my trauma anymore. I feel free from everything that's happened, like they defused the entire minefield in less than two weeks.
I go through old pictures now that I used to not be able to look at. I still have my memories, but they don't kill me anymore. They don't make me want to kill myself anymore. That's not a thought I have a hundred times a day anymore. That's not my most frequent thought anymore. When that thought does try to come in, it gets pushed right back out. Hard. That's new for me, not something I thought I'd ever have.
If you, like I was before I came here, are about to do something rash because nothing else has worked and you're at the end of your rope... Try this. Please. I swear it works. They take insurance, and they just want to help. That's why, at least according to Jason, they come to work every day. Is seeing the progress we as patients make. They are so proud of the fact they get to take people who are broken, and hurt, and traumatized, and they fix us and make us better than new.
Literally, the one thing they tell you before every infusion is "just remember, you're safe here." They care so much. They're such wonderful people. The work they do is so vital. Antidepressants were once looked at the same way as this is now. Don't discount it just because of stigma or taboo, I swear on my life it works. read more