On Yelp, 4 stars equals "Yay! I'm a fan". I hesitate to apply this rather positive, optimistic sentiment to something that instills such fear in me as a courthouse. Nothing good ever happens in a courthouse, despite what the writers of "Night Court" would have had you believe. I suppose years of watching Law & Order's gritty portrayal of criminals who get caught for jaywalking and then through some prosecutorial maneuver end up thrown into Rikers or Bellvue for the rest of their lives has really taken its mental toll. I think I watch too much TV.
The only--and I mean only--occasion I can ever "be a fan" of a courthouse is perhaps when it is to witness the marriage between my brother and his fiancee. Specifically, the marriage that was to take place in the Travis County Courthouse in the chambers of The Honorable Herb Evans, Justice of the Peace, Precinct Five.
I met Neal in front of the courthouse, where we spent the last few minutes of his single life together at 1000 Guadalupe. I reminded him that he was probably better suited for a settled down existence, so there wasn't a whole lot of boozing and cruising in his past to lament leaving behind. I, on the other hand, would find some way to make "boozing and cruising" the theme of my future wedding.
The family started to arrive, and Lisa looked absolutely stunning for her wedding day. I stood back amidst the flurry of "awws" and boutonniere pinning so I could snap a few photos to remember the moment. Once we were assembled, it was time to face security.
Of course, some of the magic of the moment is inevitably put on hold as the bride is assuming the position for a magnetic wand to be waved over her white David Meister dress. I was just happy we didn't have to remove our shoes a la the TSA, and unfortunately none of the guards were the types I'd willingly allow to do one of those invasive, provocative pat downs.
Once we were all through, I was gearing up for a long slog to some office on an upper floor, but Neal simply turned around and walked into a door that was right behind us, past the entrance for security. We literally could have walked in and immediately turned left, and been at the judge's office. I understand the need for the security procedure, it just struck me as a little silly.
The chambers were comfortable, and appeared to fit our party perfectly down to the last bench. The judge showed up precisely on time, and Neal and Lisa were invited to sit at a table at the front to answer a few questions about their backgrounds and occupations. It seems like a nice, congenial gesture, but I figured it was mostly designed to smoke out any illegal aliens or marriages of convenience. Cue the Debbie Downer "Wah, wahhhhh."
Finally, it was time. I sat in the front row, utterly taken with how surreal the whole thing was. Just twenty minutes ago I was at my job, going about my routine, and instead of the usual happy hour at some bar, I was attending my brother's wedding. It'd be cliche to say I had flashes of holding him the day he was born or playing with him on our swing-set as children, but I actually did. I could only imagine what Mom and Dad were feeling. It was all a little overwhelming.
The judge had this really eloquent way of wording the vows and extolling the virtues of marriage (One day, I hope the sex of the participants won't matter across the country, as nothing he said was particularly gender-specific, if you know what I mean). He was able to keep it secular while *just* skirting the line of mentioning a Deity, which someone as concerned about the separation of church and state as I am was listening for. Not that I would be THAT offended being a believer myself, I just wanted to see how theocratic the State of Texas might be leaning these days under Pastor Perry. All in all, I felt it was done appropriately and beautifully. Later, a friend of my dad's commented "Who knew a justice of the peace could wax so poetically?" I concur.
The bride cried, which I totally hadn't factored into the whole event, but luckily Mom had a tissue at the ready. Neal didn't tear up, but that's OK; the only thing that makes me squirm and extremely uncomfortable at straight weddings is when the groom cries and everyone goes "Awwww" in unison. I am not having it.
The ring exchange was sweet, and it was quite a kiss after they were pronounced man and wife. Like I said: It was definitely a happy, if surreal, occasion. As we exited the chambers, I heard a clerk explaining to a woman that she had her choice of pleading no contest or guilty to her most recent crime. Ahh, yes...and back to reality. It also made me realize marriages are probably the best part about the judge's job.
The civil marriage was dignified, efficient, and we even had some poetic flourish to boot.
I'd also like to say in keeping with the surreal aspect of the event, I could have never predicted I'd be writing a review of my brother's wedding, but well...there you have it. read more