The Rhino is officially my favorite Pub in Montana.
50 Taps...many flavors.
Brick outer walls, and Cabin-like rustic wood inside to make ya relax;
and just what Taxidermerist did the work I couldn't tell ya -
but an actual RHINO is forever charging
right thru the brick west wall into the Bar.
The Critter must be from North Dakota,
cuz Montanans generally have more sense.
On the other hand...I'd do whatever necessary
to get to this bar too. Students tend to pack the Rhino on Thursday Pint Night.
Summer geezer solftball leaguers on Tuesdays.
(I'm gonna be in trouble for that!!)
Perhaps the charging Rhinosceros Totem explains why the BeerTender tolerates it when my Harley pals rumble Hogs right thru the place, from back door to front, during a Bachelor party.
Now, these are totally sweet down-to-earth folks.
But I suppose they're called Legends
for um, SOME sortof good reason(s).
Lest you think H-D dudes are some kind of exclusive society,
consider again the content of character.
At least one of the scruffy Montana regulars may grin
as he hands you a tidy businss card,
with his name and club on it, Like this:
Red
Legends -- In Our Own Minds.
406-phone #
(If you need a card-carrying union boilermaker u found him!)
Beware the Rhino Hog women, however.
They've joined some sort of we don't want new friends,
no-BS or guff, even-at-a-bar Society.
Less winsome, less fun, by far than any given HD dude I EVER met, anywhere - and I visited Jails for 10 years. Believe me when I say I don't need to hear you brag about packin stoopid heat on yer bike sis. Didya notice yer now in why bother concealing your tool country? Believe me, no vivacious city woman with higher education has ANY DESIRE to mess with yer dudes. So CHILL. The freakin Rhino is about the Beer - and the bikes, fer Chrissake. To be a REAL Montana Legend, you gotta get over yerselves. Trust me, sis, chill & you'll be just fine.
The good news: Guys have learned to master their testosterone.
Gals can too! i
Locals are generally friendly, so chat a bit.
You might get invited to a BBQ or to play baseball.
If you are worthy,
you might even get invited to the FUPS Carnival.
Parked outside the Rhino (if it's not Fire season (or Goin to the Sun Run weekend - July 4th annually) you'll be lucky to see a line-up of old Indians - possibly more in this Club than anywhere else on earth. And an amazing variety of 'em...some in all kinds of dis-repair - rescued rusty from some snow-bound farmers garage - and somehow brought back to life. Montana folks aren't rich (you don't need to be) but we sure like to have fun in the great outdoors - so Montana is a natural Harley culture. These babies are well-loved and still running. The Chef on a scooter (I mean a real one: TINY) among those Harley dudes COOKS, so heck yes, do their BBQ!! But don't steal his scoot as a joke - as he'll be mad all year. (It's been done. And he deserves better, dammit!!)
You hear the HD rumble all summer in Missoula,
as riders head over to Surgis, South Dakota and back.
White Trailers you see by the highway are Feds' listening stations. On the job, violatin yer personal civil rights w/o probable cause of ANY crime. Better watch your mouth cuz the bastards probably will arrest SOMEbody to try to justify their jobs...even tho they've been exiled to the West w/o being told Dick Cheney's asbestos deals - and Geologist's Bosses should be their chief targets. Heck, the crimes of concern to locals aren't even on their radar. Like what the Colstrip Mine and coalbed methane are doing to the bio-region's rivers. Or how badly the local Courts treat Indians. Now that stuff is CRIME.
Oh, yeah, about The Rhino.
DOZENS of Tasty micro-brews, on rotating Taps.
Yes, you can sample before you commit to a Pint.
Staff know their stuff, and can help you choose a fav.
Kindly Tip well...and stay as long as you like.
On a Full Moon - draft beer is just $2 a Pint...
even my Guiness. Boy, O Boy, I love a full moon in Montana!
It can get dang hot inside in summer,
so bring sunglasses & do the back patio for outdoor air.
The only things that could make me like the Rhino better would be live music and Food. There are PLENTY of places to get that within 4 blocks, as this spot is right in the downtown core. Be sure to eat dinner first, cuz you'll wanna stay, and in June it's still daylight at 10 PM, and you might not realize it till late - and ya gotta eat, drink a gallon of water, and get ya some shut-eye, & return to do it all again.
Anyone who wants a rider from PDX to the Rhino - from May to October - please contact me. I'll buy your beer.
A pitcher if it is the last week of JUNE.
( FUPS, baby! )
Other reviews, links for Missoula:
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