"As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself...The critical issue is allowing yourself to know what you know. That takes an enormous amount of courage." - Bessel van der Kolk
I will keep fighting for my girls and others who were harmed and suffered additional trauma or re-traumatization while in recovery. @therecoveryranch and @promises_bh told us we would be in safe houses, have safe care teams, consistent therapy and process groups. None of that occurred. Trauma Recovery: A Horror Story a thread. In an email today @oprah talks about those who are at their darkest moments, the need to both recognize and speak up (link in bio). Body Brokers recently was released, a scathing, honest tale of the billion dollar rehab/recovery industry- which I just got a terrifying taste of-after finally recognizing the darkness of complex trauma endured for 40 years. The courage required to just ask for help is monumental. Being grossly re-traumatized at a #recovery place is horrendous. To understand they are apathetic, dishonest, and inconsistent is to relive trauma in the present. So I'm going to begin sharing everything that happened and pray one person is positively impacted. The global pandemic #covid_19 #corona has caused cases of suicide, domestic violence and child abuse-including those leading to death, depression, anxiety, related disorders, and TRAUMA, to soar in numbers never seen before. More than ever, mental health care needs to be safe, honest, consistent, and empathetic. Trauma informed care, especially, needs utilization, as it's the source of addiction, autoimmune disorders, and the utter exhaustion of flight/fight/freeze/fawn. The last time any reformation laws were executed was the 1970s and we desperately need new laws as penalties in place immediately. Even @potus and his family have suffered the negative effects, relapse, further harm from inadequate and ineffective care. It's time for new, now. At the end of 2020 I was, like many, struggling with the ongoing effects of the pandemic. The holidays brought the final straw, and this broken camel desperately began seeking help. My first stop was a well known place near Chicago. While it had a success rate, it was not the right place for me: I witnessed physical violence between staff and clients, self harm that went unaddressed, and I was locked into the dorms- this is not ok for a gal who was once held hostage and raped in every possible manner for 8 hours- I left on the third day. Upon returning home from the first recovery place, my anxiety was worse than ever and it was compounded with fear of choosing the next facility. My advocate recommended places in AZ and TN. After researching and conversations, I decided on a @promises_bh center in TN made famous by @drphil I was told nothing like what happened in my first experience would ever happen here, there is equine and trauma therapies-most important at that time was that I could drive, if I needed to leave. Arriving i felt welcome, everything was explained to me, I was calming down. Near my room another girl was having an exceptionally difficult time, she became my friend through shared experience. The following day, Friday, I had my evaluations done and was moved to a temporary house, small but filled with lovely, funny ladies. Starting here, I'll forego painstaking details, but beginning that evening things went downhill rapidly: I got a migraine that was t terrible and had to beg to get my meds (I threw up and nearly passed out); Saturday- same migraine, can't get meds, yelled out for being in bed, medical permission for me to be sick. That evening feeling better but still not great, I use my cane to go outside, talk with the girls. Ready to go inside, I misstep, pivot on my left foot, come crashing down, my foot swollen, right side of my body, and chest bruised as scratched. No one from staff checks on me once. My new friend did. Sunday, three girls and I move into our house- we're told it's trauma specific. Sunday brought delight with a new face, but concerns with the lack of information and gross inconsistencies with the little we had, at day 4 no one had received any therapy or even met our therapists, and the lack of food- a concern as we all had dietary needs. Women seeking help for trauma are incredibly courageous yet deeply vulnerable. True trauma informed care seeks too acknowledge and understand triggers, it leans heavy on truth, consistency, a schedule/ plan in advance- we hate surprises, and heaps of genuine compassion and empathy. Trauma therapies like EMDR are intense and exhausting, often requiring a nap or a hug after. At a time where women are finally breaking their silence of the atrocities suffered with #metoo and the impact of trauma from childhood on #ptsd #cptsd and mental health finally breaking through the sigmas of the ignorant and fearful, one would think a place named @promises_bh could offer the basics of humanity, read more