After nine years as an active member of this church, my family and I were forced to leave by a bully - an old geezer in the choir named Harry Leich. He told me flat out, "If you don't like it, you can leave." After he bullied and harassed me for many months and refused to respect the boundaries I put up to prevent him from speaking to me (asking him to end all interactions with me), I finally had enough and left. I used every connection and tool I had to stop him from bullying me, and he was temporarily banned from attending worship and coming into the building for other reasons on a handful of occasions over several months. But he would always decide on his own when he was done with those bans and just show up and start harassing me and others again. His reasoning was that he "has been a member of this congregation for 29 years." I don't see how being a member that long (or anything else) entitles anyone to treat others with meanness, disrespect and disdain. A large part of the problem was the refusal of the leaders to go as far as kicking him out permanently and just plain apathy of many other people toward resolving this problem.
In that and other situations, this is the church of "no." Instead of following the biblical principle of building people up and supporting each other, this church has a culture of tearing people down. Especially in the decrease of membership during the pandemic and time without a permanent priest, the parish was pushing people hard to volunteer to keep its various operations and programs running. And as with many churches, there is a high expectation for members to be involved in some activity beyond attending Sunday worship (membership very much equals involvement). Yet even with this high demand for people power and volunteer contributions of time and effort, the parish has a way of discouraging volunteers when they try to contribute and carry out tasks in certain operational areas. Often when initiative is shown or somebody doesn't do something the "right" way, people are very quick to say no and put others in their place in a shameful and disrespectful way. Or they even go as far as removing people from their volunteer roles in a very unbusinesslike and humiliating way, with no explanation given. People will speak up directly to others in order to block their efforts and it's usually not done in a constructive way - not in the spirit of collaboration or encouragement in a gently corrective way. One reason for this seems to be an unspoken desire to control on the part of many members, an atmosphere of constant competition, a very political climate in a subversive way.
This church is one of the most un-church-like and un-Christian places I have ever been part of. Many people are more concerned about maintaining the church rules and integrity of the institution than being loving and supportive of its individual members. It should be the people that make up the place that are the most important part of a community/institution like a church, but for this church, they're more concerned about being "orthodox" or for procedures or a rite/ritual being done in the proper way - more of a focus on preserving the tradition, institution or way of operating over creating community and being open to the contributions of members as individuals. Even the most dedicated and long-term members are often treated with disdain by some very vocal and staunch rule-keepers and enforcers. They won't hesitate to tell you that you're wrong or that what you bring or offer to the community is not welcome.
This place is very inward-facing. As a community, they have spent a lot of time dealing with internal conflicts, especially between the two congregations - English-speaking and Spanish-speaking. There is tension and uncertainty over how leadership and decision-making should happen between these two groups, and the balance of power tips heavily toward the mostly White English-speaking congregation. With these years-long challenges, the parish is very much stuck on itself and trying to manage its own internal struggles rather than being an outward-looking Christian community that could be a beacon in the neighborhood and active in many things in the city and denomination. It's as if it wants to prove to itself that it is right. There is a lot of self-righteous attitude and pride over being right or proper in their church ways over valuing what individuals bring or contribute to the community.
If Christians like those in this church are supposed to behave in a loving way toward the world - to practice compassion, love and understanding to everyone they encounter in their daily lives, even non-Christians - then starting with those within their own community would be a good place to practice these things on. Yet many in this church can't even behave in a loving, accommodating way to their fellow church members. read more