It was Berlin 1940 at the height of the German empire. Deep within
a darkened billiard room, Heinrich Luitpold
Himmler leaned over the latest designs as thunder rocked the
window panes and Cliff Richard lilted the air.
It seemed inhuman to unleash this creation upon the world but'to make an omelette'
he whispered to himself to ease his conscience as he signed the go-ahead. Ancient tomes indicate it took two years to gather the
souls of the orphans necessary to power St Quintin & Mcconnell, but once
the tears of the impure had been gathered and the phone lines were installed,
Q&M was ready. The world however was not. Throughout recorded history this organisation has
plagued mankind. The puff of smoke from their Cuban cigar is still visible emanating
from the grassy knoll in old photographs.
Reports indicate the Q&M logo was visible on a pizza delivery man's uniform
as he left the World Trade Centre building just hours before disaster.
Although there are no official studies proving these events to be linked, all
questions to leading government officials are met with evasive answers and much
looking-over-the-shoulder.
Q&M also have been reported to have dabbled in what is informally referred
to in hushed voices as 'dark magic'. Human sacrifices are common in these
practices, as well as other unholy acts of desecration including, but not
limited to: Cannibalism,
Extortionist pricing,
Indoctrination,
Lying to future tenants,
Sun-worship/heresy,
Calling too late in the day,
Goat-upsetting,
Ignoring tenant complaints,
Calling too early in the day,
Answering emails referring to money quicker than emails referring to
complaints,
Spirit-walking,
and putting you on hold for the average lifespan of a healthy Galapagos turtle.
There is nothing saintly about Quintin, or Mcconnell. Their legacy will be the
ash they build their throne of bones upon. Every white blood cell in my body violently
reacts to the simple sound of my phone ringing thanks to them.
In a nutshell:
Clifftons are better. read more