Oh my gawd, could we like, BE any more touristy? This place has been going since I was knee-high to a fire bucket, probably even longer, and some of my fondest memories involve accumulating a plethora of deep fried snacks from here. Mmm, battered fish. Mmm, fresh donuts. Mmm, vinegary chunky chips. Oh and not to forget the candy floss. Mmm, dissolvable cotton wool toothrot. And slush puppies. Mmm, blended frozen toothrot.
I used to come here regularly with the brunette as frequent readers of my reviews will know (oh get me, 'frequent readers', it's not like I'm Hadley Freeman or Charlie Brooker or something... although I've yet to achieve my lifetime goal of marrying up one of my closest older friends and Mr Brooker so I can hang out with him all the time - it'd probably be too creepy if I married him myself. Not that hanging out with your friend's husband isn't creepy. Where was I again?) and this was the place we brought our motley crew to when we were redecorating her bedroom as teenagers. We made a right hash of it, and replenishing our energy sources with E-number laden goodness didn't do that any favours. Still, there was nothing nicer than to grab a pile of chips, settle down on the pier, enjoy the sunshine and be a complete Southport cliché. Blackpool, you ain't got nothing on the Port.
This is an actual restaurant, believe it or not, with a shop adjacent to it selling all the sweeter stuff which also includes ice cream, popcorn, fudge (mmm, yielding sexual toothrot) and that strangest of candies, rock. I defy anybody to get through a stick of rock in one sitting without checking if they've chipped a tooth. That's like trying to eat a fruit pastille without chewing. Irritatingly impossible. Mmm, gum-shredding... I'll stop now, I promise. Back to the restaurant then, and if it's a nice day you'd be mad to take your fish and chips inside, but with the fickle weather of the North West seaside you might want to exercise caution. If you're outside you get to see just what a very strange building this is, an apt emblem of that wonderful balance between tacky and kitsch.
If you want the full on traditional seaside Southport experience you could do far worse than this place on the edge of Funland and Pleasureland. read more