I was sent to Renewed Hope Ranch as a teenager, and my experience there had a lasting negative impact on me. I left feeling like I had more problems than I came in with.
Being taken away from home and placed somewhere so isolated, with very little control over my own life, was incredibly difficult. I remember an environment filled with stress and anxiety, and there were situations involving other girls that made me feel unsafe. As a teenager, being in a place where you couldn't simply leave or decide what happened next was extremely overwhelming.
I also experienced what I felt was significant favoritism among staff. Some girls appeared to receive privileges that others didn't, and I personally witnessed staff giving leftover food from outside to girls they favored. I know food might not seem like a big deal to someone reading this, but when you're living somewhere you cannot leave, cannot choose what you eat, and don't have the ability to go out and get something like fast food yourself, getting something special from the outside can mean a lot. Seeing certain girls receive those things because they were favored by staff made the favoritism feel very real and very hurtful.
The environment also felt overcrowded to me with girls going months without washing their sheets. I also remember other girls getting opportunities to participate in activities, including horseback riding, while I never got to ride a horse myself while others rode many times.
I don't feel that the trauma I was dealing with was properly addressed. I began EMDR/trauma therapy for many different traumas however, I didn't complete a couple of them so it just stuck in my brain harder. I needed help actually processing the trauma I was dealing with, and I don't feel like I received that. Instead, I left feeling like I had learned how to hide things, lie, and control situations around me in order to get through them.
I was there for approximately a year and a half, and I don't feel I was given adequate preparation for returning to life outside of the program. I didn't really experience the transition period I expected. I was essentially told that I was graduating, and suddenly I was expected to return to normal life. After being away for so long, that was incredibly difficult socially and emotionally. I had no idea how to reintegrate into everyday life, reconnect socially, or navigate being back home and with no friends at home anymore that was very hard.
Looking back on this experience now as an adult, I see things very differently than I did when I was there. At the time, I was a teenager trying to get through an experience I didn't fully understand. Now that I have the perspective of adulthood and years of distance from the experience, I can recognize how deeply it affected me. I can see how much anxiety I carried out of that environment, how difficult it was for me socially afterward, and how unprepared I was to return to everyday life, let alone ADULT life.
I also look back differently on the staff. From my perspective at the time, many of the staff seemed very young and, at times, seemed just as confused as the girls about how to handle difficult situations. I did not feel that there was enough preparation or training for some of the situations we experienced, including restraints and serious behavioral situations. As an adult looking back, that is something that concerns me even more than it did when I was a teenager.
I ultimately left with severe anxiety and essentially no social life, and I feel that the experience taught me more about avoiding consequences, hiding things, and controlling situations than it taught me how to actually work through what I was going through.
I have a lot of complicated feelings about my time there, including a lot of anger. I don't think I fully understood the impact this experience had on me until I was older and had enough distance to look back at it differently.
This is my personal experience, and I can only speak to what I experienced and remember. But it is an experience I have carried with me for years, and looking back on it now as an adult, I would not recommend this program based on what I went through. read more