So at first I was all, "Hey, where's the food? Where are the waiters? Where is the BAR? lol" And then I realized this is one of those mystery dinner theater type experiences but with a new twist: You have to find the food! That's the mystery! Just when the Nashville restaurant scene had done it all, amiright? So, after fondling some modern, god-awful looking cash register they have UNATTENDED right by the front door (couldn't find any cash lol) and meandering past the tasteful furnishings (i mean, who decorated this place? are they even mexican? must be part of the mystery experience lol) I found a tiny fridge with a dozen eggs, some moldy cheese and a few beers. I opened a cool one for the next leg of my dinner journey - progress! Walked up some stairs and was nearly run over by an Irish guy with a hauntingly childish laugh. He was a cook, I could tell. His accent didn't fool me! Plus, he had food in his beard. DEAD GIVEAWAY. So then, there was this hot hottie at the top of the stairs and so i asked her "Hey girl. Would you like to dine with me?" thinking maybe she had a clue for me and she was all like "yeah, let's walk to the farmer's market! we're going at noon and the le-jit crew is joining us." Hm. Lejit? Wait. Legit? Whatever. But what does it MEEEEAN? She was clearly only put there to distract me, so I forged on. Saw a few people beating up a printer, no big deal. (Must have been trying to print their grocery list "a million avocados, por favorino!" lol) I then reached a dead end where there sat a table with - lo and behold - a PLATE. It was empty except for a few crumbs and a napkin that smelled like cheese, so, I snatched it up! This must be MY plate! Super proud of myself at this point because this place is like 10K square feet okay. So back down the hallway from the dead end, round the corner and onward we go. CLIPBOARDS. This must be where the servers hang out. Plus, I thought I caught a whiff of guacamole but then someone exited what looked to be the ladies' room. That was not guac lol! Well, it once was. Maybe. SMELLED LIKE YESTERDAY TO ME, LOL! Okay, holy mecah, plates, wine glasses -- this is it. I'm thinking I'm about to be rewarded Publisher's Clearinghouse style with a giant fucking burrito and some jackhole on a longboard rounds the corner and pummels me, we fall to the ground and out of fear and self-defense and (hangriness is dangri-ness amiright? lol) I start beating him up. A gaggle of hot hotties comes to his defense and are like, "We were looking for you we're totally going to the Farmer's Market who is this d-bag that's hitting you?" He brushes me off and they all scoff and walk away. HA! Another distraction thwarted! FUCKING BURRITO TIME. Round the corner where I can totally smell some baked goods and find a half-eaten bagel, a brown banana and a bowl full of granny smith apples beside a FRIDGE and an OVEN. But this looks like a kitchen, see... too easy. NICE TRY, rosepepperia. I head back downstairs just as a guy is coming through the front door near the cash bot/bitcoin bot and he's wearing a Moe's hat. MOE's. He's got a shit ton of Moe's burritos stuff with him! I've AALWAYS loved Moe's and this whole thing was set up by the Moe's brand as a new adventurous way to eat their food HOLY GUACAMOLE MIND BLOWN! I sign for the food -- he didn't even ask for my debit card you guys, said it was taken care of. Guess it's because I made it through their labyrinth so quickly? So, I say to the Moe's guy, "Hey man, you want to break tort with me? I'll never eat all this lol!" And he's like dude I'm STARVING. So we unpack all the goods on some persian knockoff rug and go to town. Burrito town. It was beautiful. I would do it again in a heartbeat. What an adventure! Highly, highly recommend rosepepper adventure land! read more