I will never forget the day I spent at Reading Cinemas.
I had not entered the establishment for more than a second before I was struck by the sheer beauty of the two young men working behind the counter. Nervously, I crept towards them, each step more measured than the last. After a quaint but breathless eternity I realised I had made it to the counter and was ready to perform my order.
One of the gentleman stood at over an entire 6 feet. He had the dark mysterious features of a frog and a hairstyle that screamed 'yeah, totally.' Stubble frequented his face and although fully clothed I could tell he was in utterly ok shape. I went to introduce myself to the mysterious cashier that stood before me, but words escaped me. Instead a long piercing shriek exited my mouth and the walls began to shake. The other patrons began to cover their ears and tremble violently and a woman said 'this won't do at all'. Lights began to fall from the roof and the windows shattered.
Having thought perhaps no one had noticed I held out my hand. The young cashier excitingly licked it and having not felt affection from my wife in so long I began to tingle all over. 'Down boy' I muttered.
I told my new friend which movie I wanted to watch and he couldn't have been more helpful, stopping every few seconds to spit at me as he prepared my ticket.
Now it was time to order the snacks I would timidly snack on throughout the film. The other fellow who stood at an entire 6 foot 3 inches beckoned at me enticingly. He had a kind soft face that when caught in the right light resembled a Phoenix. I knew I had come to the right place. With my heart pounding I turned and faced the phoenix. It began to speak to me and to my utter delight, the words that met my ears were in Italian. Unfortunately we couldn't understand a thing each other were saying and instead of collecting my order he retrieved for me a boiled sock.
I had never been so moved in all my life. With joy and exultation I made my way into Bridget Jones' Baby ready for what awaited me next.
During the movie the two men came in and robbed me. I will never go to this cinema again. read more