My husband & I were counseled by Rebecca for about a year, and we made a lot of progress in that time. We were having trouble working through issues constructively...everything devolved into an argument. I was angry ALL the time, and I know it was hard to try to work toward any sort of compromise when I was like that. At some point, I had an A-HA moment when I heard "anger is the bodyguard of sad". It was absolutely a lightbulb going off for me... Being angry and lashing out protected the sad or frightened parts of myself. I do think that served me well when I was little and was abused...it's easier to take advantage of a meek little girl, but if I lashed out like a wildcat, I surely protected myself from further incidents. I never even realized that that's what I was doing. I mean...game-changer...and it only took me 44 years to find that out!
Now, my husband and I can both recognize that when I'm feeling threatened (and I can feel threatened by even little things!) or unsafe, that this angry part of me storms the helm and tries to take over. I've learned through couples counseling and a smaller DBT therapy group, how to recognize this and not just let it rule the moment.
This has been transformative and a real savior to our marriage.
If you're willing to look deep & be inquisitive (instead of judgmental...toward yourself and your partner) then Rebecca can really be a lifeline and help guide you & your partner to a more cohesive partnership.
(We didn't go into therapy saying "Hey, fix me!" My husband isn't perfect either, but we do both agree that figuring out why I was lashing out and not letting down my wall was crucial in OUR growth and development.)
I 100% recommend Rebecca (and DBT as well!) read more
