I really tried not to…read more
Too much money. Too much time. Too much stress.
So, I tried everything else.
Waiting. Meditation. Talking to friends. Blogging. Sports. Late-night gym sessions. Eating chocolate. Breathing slower. Petting puppies. Joining clubs at school. Meeting new friends. More waiting.
If there's some sort of general knowledge for how to be generally happier, I tried it.
But none of it worked.
I didn't know what else to do other than just tough it out. Days turned to weeks, weeks into months, months into what would ultimately be three years.
It was time. Time to do what I just really tried not to: seek counseling at UCLA's Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS).
Ultimately, though, I think I would have put off that decision even longer had it not been for a few friends who graciously told me their personal experiences with counseling--that it wasn't much money (even covered under insurance), that it wasn't much time (as little as an hour a week), that it wasn't stressful at all (in fact, it was relaxing).
So, to them, I owe so much. And now I owe you. I owe you because if you're reading this, maybe you're thinking about making an appointment. About trying it out.
Just because I wanted personal experiences when I first started, I'll give you mine.
I walked in one random day after class and asked the front-desk woman what to do if I would like to make an appointment. They are always so kind here, and she wasn't an exception. She told me, though, that my appointment would be like a few weeks away.
They're pretty busy here, especially around finals, so I was pretty dismayed that I had to wait that long considering every day was just absolutely terrible in my mind.
Finally, the day came. Basically, you just put in some basic info on an iPad--like your BruinCard number, name, etc.--as well as fill out a quiz about some of the things you're feeling. It just gives the counselor an idea of where you might be at.
Then, you wait upstairs. I was called into a room with an evaluator who asked me some basic questions (kind of like what the questionnaire asked) and then allowed me to describe why I stopped by. She then told me that CAPS would find the right fit for me in subsequent appointments; she also asked if I preferred a female or male counselor.
So if you want help right away, well, you're gonna have to wait a little bit. Keep that in mind. They do have a hotline to call if you're really feeling bad, though.
As another week passed by, I finally got to meet my counselor. She was very collected and calm but I could see the empathy in her eyes, the genuine interest in what I had to say. Something about a neutral party who is specifically trained in psychological services really makes for a fantastic atmosphere for being open; however, that first meeting, I didn't see that.
I went back to what I thought: this is a waste. This won't work.
For future appointments, I would be on the cusp of backing out; I was literally on the phone one time about to press the number to cancel--until the robot voice told me it would incur a charge for being so late.
Yet, little by little, these meetings made me feel better. My counselor never lectured me or chastised me, and every single sentence she said either guided me towards my own realization or towards a general course of action. I was amazed that she didn't provide concrete advice or orders, but I still knew what to do.
She connected the dots between issues I never even knew were related; I still value that knowledge to this day.
I was lucky enough to really recover enough from my general sadness; while I was always functional, I now could be functional and happy at the same time.
So if you're reading this and think CAPS is not gonna work, then I'll tell you this: I thought the exact same thing, and it worked for me. Give it a try. If you need more details, message me.