You want a school that gets the job done? You want a school that's hassle free? You want a school…read morethat literally no one will ever compliment you on graduating from? Well look no further.
West Windsor-Plainsboro High School North.
Let's talk about features.
Substitute teachers: nope
Indoor climate control: nope
A competitively viable athletics team: nope
A variety of food options: nope... but it's got hot lunch if you don't want to starve in the middle of the day.
Let me tell you a story. One day, the school had a water leak. No one cared. It went away.
You could wake up on the hottest day of June, speed up global warming, drive to school, turn the mainframe thermostat to 100 celsius, insulate every room, go to the school website, and this place would call a snow day for it being "a bit too chilly."
This school will outlive you, it will outlive your children.
Things this school is old enough to do:
Vote: yes
Drive: yes
Go to high school: it IS a high school
This school's got history. It's seen some stuff. People have done weird things in this school. People have done normal things in this school. It's not going to judge you like how Princeton Day would.
Interesting facts:
Parts of this school's exterior color is gray, but some of the inside walls are grey.
In the program of studies, four full years of attendance are listed as "optional."
When this school was unveiled at the office of the superintendent, it caused all 40 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. There were no injuries, but some debris hit the superintendent's mouse, causing him to inadvertently order a bouncy castle for his eleven-year-old daughter's birthday party from Amazon Prime. This event is chronicled in the documentary "Air Pressure: The Story of West Windsor-Plainsboro High School North and the Inflatable Bounce House."
You wanna know more? Great. I had my school fill out a Facebook survey.
Favorite food: unsalted fries
Favorite tv show: Riverdale
Favorite rapper: Beethoven
This school is as practical as a Roth IRA. It's as middle-of-the-road as a sophomore in the last five minutes of study hall. It's as utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is entirely based on water bills.
When I ran RateMyTeacher on this school, the website printed out a single piece of paper that said, "It's North. It's fine."
Let's face the facts. This school isn't going to win any division championships, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your parents. This isn't the school you want, but it's the school you deserve: West Windsor-Plainsboro High School North.