Wot could go wrong ?
7 reviews
all 5 star
Nothing could go wrong right ?
What hurts the most is that I walked past a Bibimbap 5* and a solid Viet Pho spot to get to what was reportedly a Malaysian cuisine nirvana.
Look at the facts, Danny Tan comes from a family of well known Hainanese chefs and worked his way through top rated kitchens including the 5* Shangri-La hotel in KL. The menu clearly states so. I even took a picture to prove it.
Nothing could go wrong, right?
Since coming to the UK in 1987 Danny has expanded his expertise playing with flavours to develop his own distinctive style.
Even the website says you must book in advance. It must be some kind of popular.
I duly booked and walked through their door bang on time.
The place was empty bar 3 other tables.
I sat down wondering if I had come to the wrong place ?
As I waited for the server I picked some solid favourites from my time in Malaysia. When it comes to food from that part of the world I know it well and no Malaysian chef worth his salt could fuck this up. I ordered Crispy Deep-Fried Scallop & Banana Roll followed by the Nasi Goreng with Pickled Green Chillies from a waiter who appeared to be having some faculty issues.
Not to worry.
Nothing could go wrong, right?
About 10 minutes later my waiter appeared with a plate containing rice with an Egg on top and slapped it on the table before making a rapid exit.
At this point I had a twinge of doubt but, being an optimist, I tucked in.
Big mistake.
I don't known what happened since the concept inception back in 1987 but, any Hainanese heritage had disappeared BIG TIME.
Chef mate, word to the wise. Read your fucking menu. It says Nasi Goreng .. Malaysian Fried Rice, King Prawns, crispy ikan bilis (anchovies), shredded lettuce and sambal sauce. Topped with a fried egg.
What was on my plate .... (picture included, @Chef .. take a long hard look if you will)
Wilted greying coriander (aka cilantro)
Lumps of Radicchio. Wot the actual fuck, since when did Kuala Lumpur relocate to Italy ?!
Carrots
Peas
sweetcorn
random strips of poorly prepped spring onion
4 prawns
oh and an Egg
and get this...
a fucking Haricot Bean. Yep, just the one.
I must be trippin' right ?
Wrong.
Where was the ikan bilis, shredded lettuce, sambal ? Who the fuck knows. As an intervention, I have included a picture of Nasi goreng as one would expect to find it in the real world.
At this point the random waiter rolls up with another plate, dumps it on the table and evaporates into thin air. It's the entree! Blackened bananas, with what was probably a slice of boiled egg and what seemed to be lumps of tofu? Since when was tofo a crustacean? oh ... let us not forget the random anaemic pomegranate seeds in a sad little pile. Wait. It gets even better ... the kicka, more fucking Radicchio. (picture says 1K words)
Is this really happening. Yes it was. Did I deserve this existential moment. I don't fucking think so.
I was so fazed I actually took a mouthful.
Bad move.
All of a sudden I started to think that i was losing it, things were going so wrong that maybe they were right?
Pause for a reality check. The menu says there is a 'discretionary' 12.5% service charge. The background music taken straight from an elevator anthem was not helping.
I called over the waiter.
Bill please.
If you have been paying attention then you will be wondering what happened to the Pickled Green Chillies?
At no point did they appear apart from, yes, you guessed it, on the bill.
Get me the manager.
At this point I am desperately hoping that Chef will make an appearance.
Nope.
A lady turns up.
I turn down the volume, rein in my temper and, as calmly as I can, explain that I am not happy. I point to my plate, shake my head and i may have trembled slightly. Who knows.
She comped the bill and apologised. Fair play I say. She explains that their Laksa is renowned. She invites me to return and try it. I decline and tell her "a team of Shire horses could not get me back through the door of Laksamania" It was probably the wrong thing to say as I am certain they don't have Shire horses in Malaysia and she appeared to have not the slightest clue as to what I was talking about.
I could be wrong though, right ? read more