Kelly has seen me through many versions of birth that I have experienced since knowing her. She supported me in the creation of my daughter, with inseminations at home. She listened to me, to my questions, my profound desires, and inspired deeper trust in my self and trust in the freedom that comes from surrendering to that which is bigger than us and what that has to teach us. When I worried about how difficult it was for me to get pregnant with my first baby, she pointed me inward, being with my self now, not then, reminded me that this was its own journey, to listen, to trust what I know most deeply, and to invite it all in as opportunity for growth. She reminded me to love myself in the process and this brought me to a place of palpable joy in being with it all, the beauty in getting to do this life. She cared for my body, supported me in nourishing myself in all the ways, supported my spirit profoundly, as well as the spirit of my baby yet to come in, while showing up fully and offering her own. There are many paths to conception, each journey its own unique, revealing experience. I felt so deeply nourished in this process because of the alignment and creative energy I felt within myself, and the alignment I felt with Kelly and the space that was held for me to be right there, honoring the mystery of it all, the things that we do not get to know for sure, but can feel, and choose to keep faith in.
I got pregnant with our IUIs at home, and we shifted into prenatal care, such incredible beauty in moving through together, relationship continuing and expanding into the next place. Her knowing, intensely loving hands on my belly week by week, intimate and ever deepening connection with my baby, and with me. Her steady, deep devotion to the growth of me as a woman as we moved through the weeks, her eyes, ears and heart wide open to receiving me and anything I wanted to bring forth.
She sat by me as I labored, holding fiercely loving space for me, intimate, silent and yet so much in that silence, exactly what I needed. Feeling her there with me, her knowing of that which served me most, so tuned to me and to birth moving through in those early morning hours. Birth consumed me, she moved in closer, held me while I held myself, placing a loving and steady hand on me, grounding and nourishing me in the expanse. My daughter emerged, into her hands, the hands that had helped create her all those months before, a powerful full circle experience of existence, of connection, of trust. I sat with my baby, with my midwife, with my self in the raw life of it all, clear, in love, alive.
These are pieces of a sacred journey and relationship shared, and there are many more. These pieces are so deeply woven into the fabric of me, but what I want to say, what really penetrates me in reflecting on this relationship is her offering of strong presence. Serious space was held for me to keep turning in and on, to me, to listen to my truth, and trust it, with her as deeply loving guide and witness to it all. She showed up again and again to serve, not just my body and my baby, but me as a woman doing my work in the world. She did not hesitate to do what she needed to do to take care of me in all the ways, using her hands when my bleeding needed to stop, calling me to presence when I needed it, while honoring so deeply what she knew of me and what I stand for. She would push back on me with vital love, she would hold the Yes, keep going, and also the silent tender space for me so I could hear my own voice loud and clear, being seen and heard in the integration of my experience.
This, all of this, continues to inspire passionate engagement with my self, my truth, my babies, my calling, my work, and the life that authentically flows from this commitment and devotion. The gratitude I have for how Kelly has shown up for me is lifetimes full. She is my Midwife. She will always be my Midwife. read more