A pre-ballet teacher, Alison, looked at my me, baby and stroller and under her breath said, "ugh, a…read morebaby and their stroller." What a strange, old-bitter-lady thing to say. I was just sitting there, same place for 2 hours, not in the way or anything, scooted all the way to the wall, and she says this. Even if I were to be in the way, it was a strange and hurtful comment, especially coming from someone who teaches the youngest children. In a school filled with families, siblings, strollers, ballet bags, shoes, and parents waiting for long periods of time, it felt incredibly unwelcoming to single out a mother and baby as the inconvenience.
I am not sure if she said it because finds me pretty and she's a hateful person and just felt the need to say something (no honestly, because every time she sees me, baby or no baby, she huffs) or because she genuinely hates babies and their strollers. But, it felt like our presence was not wanted by her entitlement. Someone in their right mind would not think to comment something like that. I personally would never tell someone, "ugh a baby and their stroller" in the way or not, that's completely insane. Alison shouldn't be allowed to teach small children. This is supposed to be a children's ballet school. Parents are investing significant time, money, and energy so their children can pursue their dreams & something beautiful. Families should not be made to feel like a burden for simply existing in the space.
And with that said, what is up with the captain volunteer moms? It's like the Stanford Prison Experiment. Unfortunately, this above mentioned attitude does not seem limited to one interaction. The volunteer structure also feels unnecessarily aggressive at times. And it's not really like they're volunteering out of their heart, we all have to clock in 30 hours or pay $600+. Parents are required to complete volunteer hours or pay a substantial fee, yet some "captain" volunteers behave less like helpers and more like authority figures. For example, Chelsea, prison-guard-mom volunteer recently gave parents only two hours' notice for costume fittings, followed by a message saying children would be pulled from rehearsal if they did not attend. Specifically, she wrote in a group WhatsApp chat at 9am that fittings are at 11am and if you don't come, she will be pulling your kids during rehearsal for fittings. She is telling us 2 hours in advance then threatening to pull our children from rehearsal (to not be able to learn the dance) a dance for which the tuition for the nutcracker is close to $900. Plus, the parent volunteers (remind you they're not really volunteering) usually assign fittings and such around when their child has class, not considering anyone's or the majority's childrens' schedule. When families are already paying close to $900 for Nutcracker participation, threatening to pull children from rehearsal over last-minute scheduling is unfair and stressful.
There is a major difference between organization and intimidation. There is also a difference between being assertive and being disrespectful.
At the end of the day, this is supposed to be a place where children learn discipline, confidence, artistry, and joy--not a place where parents are made to feel like burdens, babies are treated like inconveniences, and volunteer roles turn into power trips. The culture surrounding a school matters just as much as what happens inside the studio. Parents should not be spending hundreds of dollars, giving hours of their time, rearranging their lives, and supporting their children's dreams only to be met with condescension, threats, and hostility.
Pamela and Marat Daukayev are not mean, aggressive people, not even the slightest, they are two lovers passionate about ballet and they have staff and captain volunteers tainting their school's name. Pamela and Marat have built something meaningful, but that beauty is being overshadowed by people who seem to have forgotten that this entire school exists because of the children and the families behind them. The school needs clearer standards for how teachers, staff, and volunteers treat parents. Because grace should not only be taught at the barre--it should be practiced in the hallways, in the waiting areas, in the group chats, and in every interaction with the families who make this school possible.
The school itself has so much potential. The children, the parents, and the school deserve better.