AVOID!
Similar, I assume, to the teeming masses who were queuing virtually out the door on both of my visits to this overrated eatery, I was suckered in by the fabled allure of 'real American fast food!'.
After queuing for what felt like an age (and almost slipping on the plethora of peanut shells leading from the cardboard bedpan of complimentary nuts to the front desk deposited by the charming couple in front - think Hansel and Grettel in adidas tracksuits) I arrived at the desk, lowering my eyes to the menu.
At around a tenner a burger (and £4-ish for chips) I was expecting a sit down, knife and fork, Gourmet Burger Kitchen-esque experience with a waiter and a nice, relaxing atmosphere (which, at a similar price to GBK, is not too much to ask). Instead, I was treated to a feeble lump of unidentified, anaemic roadkill tucked in between a pair of thin, slippery buns, saturated in what can most accurately be described as the product of wringing Eric Pickles' chins into a saucepan and leaving to simmer. Dining here unspokenly requires a full surgeon's uniform (latex gloves and all), necessitated not only by the literally dripping mess clamped between my now-wrinkled fingers, but by the migraine-inducing lighting, rendering the 'Five Guy's Experience' remarkably similar to what I can only imagine dining in the St. Peter's maternity ward would be like.
Eating the chips was a nostalgic experience, accurately reminiscent of biting your tongue halfway through a packet of salt & vinegar discos. The burger was limp, soggy and - on the contrary to the framed sponsored articles plastered on the walls - totally tasteless.
All in all, dining at Five Guys was a wholly surreal experience. Never before had I eaten anything with so little taste. Without exaggeration, breathing tastes better than Five Guys. I would recommend five guys only for the experience of eating something that literally tastes of nothing at all (that, and the drinks machine. That's actually quite cool).
General verdict: avoid. read more