Me: "Hi. I'm here to pick up a package that you're holding for me. Here's the door tag."
Hostile Employee: "I'm not seeing this door tag in the system. You gonna need to call the 800 number."
Me: "Don't tell me that. This is my second time driving ten miles to pick it up here."
HE1: "What's your name?"
Me: "Dynomutt. With a Y."
HE1: "No. Nothing here. You gonna need to call the 800 number."
Me: "Are you sure? Can you look it up by address?"
HE1: "What's your address?"
Me: "742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfie..."
HE1: "Nope. Not here. You gonna need to call the 800 number."
Me: "I was here two days ago. The guy told me he put a note on the record to hold it for me here."
HE1: "Let me check." (exits room, returns moments later) "It ain't here. Here's the 800 number. You gonna need to call the 800 number."
Me: "I know it's a busy time and this isn't your fault, but I need to speak to a manager about this."
HE1: "Hold on."
(exits room, replaced minutes later by manager)
Friendly Manager: "Hello."
Me: "Hi. I had a delivery attempted three days ago. I got a door tag stating clearly that it would not be re-delivered and I'd need to retrieve it from here. I drove ten miles to fetch it the next morning and was told it was out for delivery, contrary to the instructions on the tag. I told the guy to hold it here for me and I'd pick it up that night, but it was too late when I was back in the area that night, so now I'm here again to get it. But the other woman couldn't even find it in the system. Then she told me I'd need to call an 800 number to locate the package."
FM: "I'm sorry about that. But if we can't find it here then that might be your only choice."
Me: "Well, no. FedEx can't find the package, so you're going to call the 800 number for me."
FM: "OK. Let me call them."
(another employee enters)
Helpful Employee: "Let's see if we can find it. What's your name?"
Me: "Dynomutt. D-Y-N..."
HE2: "Size?"
Me: "Size?"
HE2: "Do you know how big your package is?"
Me: "Um..."
HE2: "Is it a parcel? A letter?"
Me: "Oh... Of course that's what you meant. It caught me off-guard because this girl I know asked just last night the same ques... never mind. No, I have no idea what the package is. I'm not expecting anything. It's probably a Christmas bomb from the disgruntled owner of a business I reviewed."
HE2: "Address?"
Me: "742 Everg..."
HE2: "Here it is! It's out for delivery. And it even has a note right here for us to hold it."
Me: "Is it better that I not ask why the other woman didn't find it?"
FM: "Well..."
Me: "Or why it wasn't held, as requested?"
FM: "Well..."
HE2: "Do you not want him to leave it at your door?"
Me: "The thing is, my town only appears once every few days. It's a little like Brigadoon, except there's an Applebee's."
HE2: "Do you want to pick it up at your local FedEx store?"
Me: "That would be great. Wish I'd been told sooner that it was an option."
FM: "OK then! I'll just have the driver drop it off at your local store and you can pick it up before 11 tonight. I'll call you when it's ready for pick-up."
Me: "Thanks for fixing this. I mean, between the ID check by an angry woman at the front gate, which takes a few minutes as she writes down all my information, and the frustration of failing to deliver, and then losing track of, packages, Brown has never caused me such a hassle, but at least you've solved our little problem. If I still have most of my fingers after opening the bomb, I'll give credit where it's due." read more
