Note: Names in this review have been changed to protect the [EXONERATED].
Being half of a loving, committed relationships usually means you belong to one of three sub-types as soon as you set foot in a store like Fascinations:
1.) "We're just here to buy prophylactics and get out."
2.) "We're here to idly point and laugh at your collection of [PLAYTHINGS], but too chicken to buy anything."
3.) "We plan on dropping a paycheck's worth on your sick, sick wares in order to keep the excitement in our (possibly) consensual relationship."
I've never strayed far from the first archetype, unless I'm killing time with a group of friends on a Friday night (see group two). Subset three is right out. So imagine my surprise when [VIRGINIA WOOLF] and I set foot in Fascinations on a Saturday night to promptly fill order 1, and got stopped along the way. Not in a, 'oh my god, now how am I going to write my Yelp review?' way over in the [PRODUCE] aisle, but rather, in a different sense. Think, "Can I help you folks find anything?". Old-fashioned customer service in a [TRON] store? Well, I never!
Yes, true believer. This assault on the senses came not in the form of a glass [CUCUMBER] or shiny new [GUM DROP], but from the store's lone clerk on duty that night. Said customer service rep, [GERTRUDE STEIN], was nice enough to not only point us in the right direction upon arrival, but also to recommend another product in a similar vein in the midst of ringing us out. 'Multitasking' is undoubtedly the new 'knowing glance' in this industry, people.
The clerk was quick to recommend a new and improved [RAINSLICKER] for us. She spoke to personal experience without getting all TMI on us, which is walking a pretty fine line in a [PRAWN] store, if you ask me. We bit the bullet (so to speak), grabbed the dollar menu recommendation laid before us, and prepared to get on the good foot to do the [SLIPSHOD] thing. But not before my eye was caught by the [BARNACLE]-shaped cake pans. "How much for that [TROWEL] in the window?" I inquired to our helpful sales rep. Without hesitation, she marched over to the baking utensils in question, and read off the prices, before recommending the single-use aluminum pan. Now that's what I call [INGOT].
We drove off into the night, confident and curious about our vanilla purchases. I'm not sure that I'll ever seek out this Fascinations again, should I find myself in the mindset of the more adventurous parties listed above. The store isn't especially big, which endangers both laugh track and spice rack purchases. I suspect the [RAMAMA-LAMA-DING-DONGS] on display are more likely endorsed by Ron Paul than Ron Jeremy, which might leave 'regulars' disappointed. The store front outside is so modest, we drove past it during prime business hours. An aggressive seller, this one ain't.
However, next time I find myself in need of some frank product recommendations and good, ol-fashioned [COLFAX] hospitality, I surely won't discount this humble peddler of adult goods. Thanks again, [ALICE WALKER]. We'll remember you fondly to the interwebs. read more