I consider myself a rather involved and sensitive partner, so when my wife said she wanted to hire a doula, my mind bounced between asking "why? can't I handle this whole birth partner thing myself?" and "is a doula really worth the cost?" Hindsight being what it is, I can now answer my own questions as follows: "not really, no" and "absolutely, unequivocally, yes!" From the first minute of our first meeting with las dos doulas, I knew my wife was on to something. We connected with Cori and Sarah immediately -- it felt less like we were interviewing someone and more like we were meeting old friends we had never met. They explained what doulas do (support, inform, comfort, strengthen, encourage), what doulas don't do (replace a husband or partner, provide medical advice/interventions) and most importantly, listened intently to find out who we are and what we hoped to get out of the birth experience. When we walked out of the initial meeting I knew I was glad we had met them -- what I didn't know, was just how important they would come to be for me, my wife and my then-unborn son.
The next time we met Cori and Sarah was when they came over for a pre-natal visit a few weeks before our due date. Sitting in our living room one evening, we went over our plan and discussed some questions we still had after reading numerous books and attending birth classes. Their easy-going style and willingness to field any and all questions -- no matter how silly-seeming or poorly-worded -- put us at ease for the home stretch of my wife's pregnancy and once again validated our decision to have them as partners in our birth experience.
A few weeks later, at 3:00 am one morning, I texted Cori and Sarah to let them know that my wife's water had broken. From that point on, Cori was always accessible, responsive to our calls and texts and calmly reassuring us as my wife labored at home for rest of the day. As the time to head to the hospital rolled around, Cori came to our house and as soon as she did, I could see my wife's spirits lift and her confidence grow. Over the course of the few hours at home and 15 hours she was at the hospital with us, Cori was a constant source of strength, comfort, and support to my wife and me.
On a personal level, and without hyperbole or exaggeration, I don't know how I would have gotten through it all without Cori. Whether it was her affording me the opportunity to rest for a few minutes in the delivery room, and not feel guilty for leaving my wife alone, or having someone there to keep my spirits up as evening turned into night and night into day, Cori was there for me, which better enabled me to be there for my wife. To me Cori's biggest contribution was this: within five minutes of my son being born he was taken to the NICU, and I asked my wife, "should I stay with you or go with him" and she said "do not leave our baby." Leaving my wife in the delivery room was one of the toughest things I have ever had to do, but the fact that Cori was there -- as my wife went through the final stage of labor and I was upstairs watching our son being worked on -- was truly the only thing that made me feel like I could fully be there for my son and my wife without leaving my wife alone, even though I could not be in two places at once.
What I am left with is an immense feeling of all-encompassing gratitude. I am grateful that my wife made me go along with hiring a doula. I am grateful that Cori allowed me to be the birth partner I had hoped to be. I am grateful that in this life there are people who make our lives better just by being who they are. That is what Cori did for us and that is why we will never forget her. read more