DFS
A day in the life of the sales team, read this like you're in Peep Show....
Salesman: (Thinks to himself)
Fake tan? Check.
Cheap suit? Check.
Toothy grin? Check.
Recession defying sales targets? Check.
Underlying sense of despair? Check.
Ready for work. Time to hit the shop floor.
Salesman:
(Spots punter and thinks to self: "Here he comes, this has got to be it. Come on pal, you know you want a sofa, I'll even chuck in a free poof. Just buy something. Please.")
Says: Hello sir, my name is Davey, welcome to DFS. You've chosen the right day to come, we have many items on offer for you today, made to the highest standards with the finest materials. What is it you're looking for today sir?"
Customer:
(Thinks: "Christ, just fuck off, I'm just in the door.")
Says: "Oh hi there, cheers for that pal. I'm just going to look about just now."
Salesman:
(Thinks: "Bastard. What does it take? You didnae just come out here to look around, WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING NOWHERE. Put your hand in yer wallet ya dick and buy something.")
Says: "That's ok, anything you're after in particular?"
Customer:
(Takes a deep breath and sighs, his shopping experience irreparably soiled.)
Says: "Erm, not just now, I'm just looking at prices and things."
Salesman;
(Thinks- "For fuck's sake, just fucking buy something ya tight bastard, ma bairns haven't eaten in a week and I've got a nose-up on the cards this Saturday night.")
Says-"No problem sir, if you see anything you like or have any questions, just ask. My name is Davey and it's my job to help."
Customer:
(Looks Davey up and down, then observes the bead of sweat on Davey's brow, revealing his underlying desperate need to make a sale. He gives a smile.
Customer thinks to himself: "Not yet Davey. I'm going to make you beg before you see my readies. I own you. I FUCKING own you.")
Says- "Oh right, cheers for that pal, I'm just going to look about just now."
(Turns and walks away, grinning. Thinks: "See you soon Davey. Time for you to earn that 0.1% commission. Time for you to bend over and touch your toes.")
In summary, not bad service, although these guys all remind me of the salesman from the Simpsons who can't sell anything and is constantly a nervous wreck.
6 weeks delivery time on a sofa seems a bit excessive though. read more