Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears!
This school is the best school on the planet Earth!
It is better than every school ever!
The student culture is so great, everyone is so friendly and nice to each other and so polite - all the bullies are just great standup guys who aren't complete fucking douchebags at all!
Not to mention these kids have such great 'school spirit' - and how could they not? If they didn't, they would be ostracized and left to rot in the gutters, where kids spit and litter regularly. After all, a unified society is one where everyone feels like they belong!
It's so great that the kids are exposed to this child-friendly version of nationalism because it's good to indoctrinate kids and teach them to love their own 'groups' when they're adults. That way, they can ostracize people in a variety of ways - whether it's based on race, nationality, politics, or any other silly label to hate people with! I even recommend starting a new class, held in Room 101 of course, based on teaching school spirit and how this school is better than every other school - a class for kids with negative attitudes who don't think they should participate during rallies!
The Yearbook and Journalism classes are also very educational! Kids who have aspirations for journalism can now learn what it's like to write journalism in the real world - they're taught to censor themselves if there's anything remotely offensive or critical of the administration, and publish a fluff piece or a fashion article or something completely devoid of any substance! Everything else is immediately censored and edited; if there's any opinion that might possibly result in a lawsuit or complaint, that opinion is taken out back and shot in the mouth. So kudos to you Journalism for teaching kids what freedom of speech really means!
As for Yearbook: again, much kudos! You do your job well in maintaining a clean, saccharine image of high school for future generations, so when they reminisce, they don't think "totalitarian society", they think "nostalgic John Hughes film", and realize high school was the moment when their lives peaked. I also want to commend you for resembling the Ministry of Truth as realistically as possible, and for following Journalism's example of self-censorship and administrative authority - without you, those students might remember what high school was actually like.
The teachers are actually pretty nice.
Finally, the administration is such an understanding and reasonable group of people, especially when they handled that Nerf gun situation! Boy, was that a dark time in our school's history! It's not like that they discovered the first student held a toy gun and, instead of ending it there like reasonable people, called in the other students on the logical basis that they might've been carrying real guns, out of some deranged paranoia from a potential lawsuit, and suspended most of them as an example. That would be ridiculous! These people are our nation's finest administrators, and not at all overly sensitive nerve clusters from a prostate that have somehow gained sentience.
So thank you CHS, for teaching me what it's like to obey authority and conform to the masses - an educational experience I will NEVER FORGET. read more