What can I possibly say about this place? In a town where most of the population are inbred, sex-driven, uneducated pests, Cromwell's Bar is the only establishment currently hosting club nights. Needless to say, this makes for quite an interesting series of unfortunate events to follow suit.
Now, before I continue any further, I just want to clarify: I'm not saying it's all bad. On the contrary - the bar is clean (although the toilets are never stocked with basic hygiene essentials such as hand soap), the serving staff are friendly and they offer an adequate variety of beverages. That being said, allow me to expand on but a few of the negatives.
The music is insufferably generic. No, really, the DJs play the same songs every single time, and have done, as far as I know, for months if not years on end. This sure doesn't seem to bother the local overweight, cake-faced estate girls, though. In fact, they scream every time Chris Brown's hit single "Loyal" comes on (which is usually 3 times a night) and proceed to show everybody how intoxicated they are by falling flat on their asses after a poorly executed dance move.
The venue is incessantly full of undesirables. Anybody and all are welcome in Cromwell's Bar! The local drug dealer? Sure! The guy who always wants a fight? Why the hell not! The town bike? Well, they all are anyway! Come to Cromwell's Bar and drink yourself silly; you definitely won't regret it!
The last time I went to this bar with a comrade, the night ended with the entire police force out, as the overspill on the streets had turned in to a huge, festering brawl. Unsurprisingly enough, women were the main perpetrators. And as you can likely imagine, these women were some of the most ugly, overweight, decadent whores the world has seen yet.
Shortly before closing time, we had gone to find our friend, and ventured near the front window to look outside for him. Instead, we noticed 2 men talking to a police officer. I was immediately berated by a blonde woman who had on about 20 layers of makeup. I turned around to look in to her eyes, and was confronted with the most ugly, warped soul. I asked her why it was an issue for us to stand here, and she immediately fired up and screamed at me not to talk to her like that, then assaulted me. Needless to say, I didn't react, and before I could attempt to dismantle the situation, an overweight buffoon with the eyes of a stray-dog and the face of a caveman ran up and began shoving me, shouting indecipherable threats, and generally behaving like a dreg of society. We decided to call it a night, and return to the comfort of our private mansions.
If you're looking for a nice place to stop for a pint of lager (they don't even serve ales), why not? But I would advise anybody and everybody to stay away from this cesspit at night, as things can only get ugly. read more
