This was apparently the 2nd time I've been to The Reliance but, as I can't remember the first time…read moreno matter how hard I try, I'll have to review it from my most recent experience : )
The building itself is charming, a good open space with huge windows that I imagine can lend themselves very easily to an afternoon of people watching. The seating and tables are a nice mishmash of styles that give the place homely, arty feel but not one that is bordering on try hard- although a handful of the clientele DID look like they were trying very very hard to be as cool as possible. I especially enjoyed catching glimpses of the hip young Turk who was sat opposite me under the newspaper stand, who simply scowled over his coffee and looked for all the world as if he'd just had a personality exorcism and was trying to work out his place in the Zeitgeist. Go hipster! Go hipster!
Anyway, enough of the angry little wallflowers, let's get to an actual useful review shall we?
Drinkswise there seemed to be an enticing list of wines, beer and cider that immediately titillated the boyfriend and made him stroke his beard with glee. So far so good. Unfortunately I was still smarting from his Gin seduction techniques the night before so could only face a Diet Coke. Must try harder next time.
We ordered lunch and I plumbed excitedly for the Fish Platter- with the promise of a hunk of mackerel, prawn cocktail, granary bread and (joy!) potted salmon. Adrian decided he wanted to rip apart a pig so leaped at the gammon and how I wish I had done the same.
Ade's gammon was a succulent pink slab of juicy, fresh pork, topped with a perfectly cooked fried egg and absolutely fabulous double fried chips. It looked, smelled and tasted fantastic. But why was I eating it? Well, my 'Fish Platter' arrived and it was (for £7) the most disappointing portion of food I think I have ever had. Sad face all round.
For my £7 I got a 2cm x 1 cm nugget of mackerel. Simple. Smoked. One mouthful. It was 'okay' and had it been a 2cm x 1cm nugget of white truffle I might have felt I'd got my money's worth. But it was mackerel. The cheapest fish in the world.
Next on my tiny platter for mice was a mini jam jar of 'potted salmon'. Potted fish should a) be cold and b) contain fish. What I got was five or so 0.5cm 'cubes' of cooked salmon swimming in a jar of melted butter. The jar was hot so either this was the salmon that SHOULD have been going into the fridge to create 'Potted Butter with a Flake of Salmon' OR it was yesterday's potted butter that had been put in the microwave. I fished out 2 or 3 minuscule lumps but the effort of trying to fork tiny cubes of hot salmon in a jar of hot butter is really not worth it.
At this point, having eaten the mackerel in one bite, I decided to focus on the tablespoon of prawn cocktail. It was okay. Fresh and nice sized prawns- the 4 or 5 that were in there. I chose to eke out the portion by spreading it on my 'granary bread' except my 'granary bread' was actually a stingy single slice of plain old shop bought brown bread. One slice. Quartered.
So, in conclusion.....if this had been lobster cocktail, white truffle and a small jam jar of caviar I might have felt the portion size to be more than adequate for seven English pounds. As it was I was presented with nanograms of three of the cheapest fish dishes a restaurant can produce, the portion sizes only serving as a slap in the face given the price I had been asked to pay for it.
So, I wasn't happy. The three tiny things tasted fine, just plain old fine as plain old food is apt to do. I then proceeded to plough into the boyfriend's chips and anything else I could lay my hands on. I did consider saying something about the portion size when the (charming) waitress came to clear my plate but it seemed rather moot at that point. The food was fine, it was the portion that was insulting. So instead I decided to review it on here and make this suggestion.....
Do indeed order the Fish Platter but when you order say "My friend Angelina said this was quite tasty but she said I should ask for a decent portion please." You may also want to slip in that potted fish and meat are cold. Otherwise it's just potted hot butter and not half as tasty.
So why the 4 stars? Well, as I wandered to the ladies I made a point of looking at the food on everyone else's plate and it looked FABULOUS. Clearly I picked the bum dish. Other diners were gorging themselves on pastas, meats and sandwiches that looked absolutely delicious, big hearty portions, glistening with all the appropriate juices, sauces and cheesy toppings. The fish made me sad, I strongly suspect any other main course would have given me a raging lady hard-on.
And the clincher for the 4 stars? The pud. Banoffee Pie. Oh sweet Mary, Joseph and All the Saints we have SALVATION. A veritable SLAB of perfect cake, inch deep cream, luxurious toffee, fresh banana. You saved yourself this time Reliance!