Isolation breeds evolutionary specialization. It seems that Mornington's isolation has bred cafes with extraordinarily bad coffee.
Mornington is a cold, desolate place devoid of any kind of pre-octogenarian life. To find a decent coffee in this god forsaken backwater of time is rarer than a finding a virgin with an arts degree.
Walk down the main street and be awed at the strange chronological stagnation, the bizarre effects of entropy upon the human body. Due to the large amount of oldies enjoying themselves in this quaint village way down past Franganistan, the coffee trade has been somewhat skewed.
Those of you whom have ever worked as a barista will be more than familiar with the baby-boomer-stay-at home-wife-class customer, who rarely ever stays at home. Instead, these listless, pithy females embrace their lack of responsibility once the kids have moved out and spend their time traipsing about cafes and speaking very loudly about private school tuition.
Making a coffee for such an individual is rarely as simple as it sounds- it more so involves making several successive coffees as they are venomously returned to you over and over- "It's not *HOT* enough!". Having very little to worry about, and having their feelings abraded away long ago, about the only warmth they can still sense is horribly burnt coffee scalding its way down their leathery throats.
The patronage of Mornington's coffee shops consists mainly of the above, and as such it's rather hard to find a coffee served at the right temperature by a capable barista.
Coffee Traders, however, gives two fingers and a raspberry to these decrepit oldsters, and serves coffee with a cavalier smile. On offer is a myriad of house and foreign blends, single origin and daily highlights. The menu drily explains the consistent temperature of the coffee they serve and why it is not served any hotter.
Coffee traders, it seems, houses the only decent beans in Mornington. The wait can be long, but worth it. Whilst there I tried a Kelaguar Heights ristretto- pleasantly sweet and nutty with an undertone of woody bitterness, very nice.
Coffee Traders is a nexus of sanity in an ocean of terrible, awful coffee. House blends start from $10 for 250g beans. Enjoy the comfortable outside seating and admire the vine-strewn face of this characteristic coffee bar in the sun with some friends, just remember to bring a book. read more