"Mars 'aint the kind of place to raise your kids." But, Kitt Peak National Observatory is the kind…read moreof place you want to take someone who is a kid at heart to. (*I know, I know...I just broke the rule about not finishing a sentence with a preposition, and it sounded a bit awkward. My bad. I'll try to write more-gooder from now on.)
Captain's Log: Star date May 1st, 2026. The entire crew of the Star ship, "Wait for the Western Wind*" thoroughly enjoyed the experience. (*That's is the name that I christened to the van that we rented)
We have now returned safely to home base, and our journey of exploration can only be described as a success. All mission-objectives have been achieved...the goals of having fun, joining together for a little family camaraderie, and fulfilling a quest for knowledge were all clearly met.
Sadly, I must report that I did fail at one of the mission's intended targets...that being: my finding a way to work-in a joke about the 7th planet from the G2V star located in the Arm of Orion, in the "Via Lactea" (latin for Milky Way) galaxy.
As I get older, I have found that discretion, indeed, is the better part of valor. So, when our guide (Sam--who was wonderful) asked the group that she was leading if there was anything that we hoped to see that night, I pulled my hand back down quickly... realizing, at that moment, that a joke about "Uranus" would most-likely, "land" like the 1967 Apollo 1 tragedy.
The carbon-based humanoid life forms that inhabit the rocky crevices of I'oligam Du'ag possess advanced intelligence. As they spoke about the numerous telescopes, history of the area, and shared their deep knowledge of the wonders of space, they all exhibited kindness and patience, as well as a passionate enthusiasm for the work being done there. I also observed, on a number of well-timed occasions, that they were prone to "launching" some corny paternal-space-exploration humor. The one about being careful to not put Saturn in a bathtub--because it might leave a ring...(Ha!) that one would cause a, "super-nova of laughter" from here to Andromeda (M31):
"Ground control to Major Tom". Here are two bits of advice to fellow travelers who might choose to boldly go where no human (in your family) has gone before (to the Kitt Peak Observatory)...
Dress warmly and maybe bring a blanket. It was a balmy day in Tucson, but at 6,880 ft up, you will find yourself beneath the night sky of the exposed high desert and quick drops in temperatures happen as the Jackson Pollack-painted sky comes to light.
Secondly, don't be like the guy who, as the night was wrapping up, got into his car, turned on his car lights, and pulled away from the presentation prematurely. What a, "back side of a black hole" move! There are easy-to-follow guidelines that have been set up to protect the experiments from white lights. If we all show a little cooperation, we all succeed. That kind of behavior is not to be tolerated, so we all agreed that the laser-guided missile launch that followed was completely justified. (I'm kidding!--we just watched as he drove away and his tail lights disappeared on the horizon--wondering to ourselves, "What kind of parents raise a person like that?")
I will now close by putting our experience into a, summarized "capsule": "It was was a 'blast'!" The night indeed, was very memorable and enjoyable-- on many levels. And, I am glad that we signed on for the mission.
So...fellow Earth beings, Take your protein pills and put your helmet on
(Ten) Ground Control (Nine) to Major Tom (Eight, seven)
(Six) Commencing (Five) countdown, engines on
(Four, three, two)
Check ignition (One) and may God's love (Lift off) be with you
Oh, one final shout out. Back in the late 1950's, the Tohono O'odham Nation, (meaning "Desert People,") graciously allowed for the construction and use of the observatory on one of their most-treasured and sacred mountains. This should be acknowledged and respectfully appreciated as one travels there.