In just three weeks back in 2020, I learned more about compassion, love, unity, presence, and fulfillment than I had in 38 years before.
The retreat organized by the Buddha Dojo came at a time when my sense of self -- or "non-self," as my Buddhist side would say -- felt fragile. I'd been stretched thin by overcommitment and work, even though life was going well overall. Honestly, I wasn't looking forward to leaving home; I wanted solitude to feel grounded again.
The Experience:
Our journey began with two days of meditation in the California desert with a sangha of 170 people, followed by seven days of scuba diving in Bonaire -- an island near Venezuela -- alongside 80 of those same practitioners.
What Changed:
What I discovered was an overwhelming sense of love, inner stillness, and gratitude for life and the people around me.On our first day in Bonaire, we measured our breathing -- 14 breaths per minute for me. By the final day, that number had dropped to just 3. The calm was profound.
Since then, I've felt more patient, content, and understanding. Meditation has never come easily to me; I'm easily distracted and struggle to stay focused for long stretches. But meditating in a large group was inspiring -- everyone striving together, some with years of experience.
On the night of the Winter Solstice -- the longest night of the year -- I experienced a sustained sense of peace. I caught myself smiling softly as we walked to the meditation site. During our main session with Samvara, my focus deepened. On the way back, that same quiet smile remained. It felt soothing and refreshingly detached from the usual noise of daily life.
Lessons from the Dive:
Anyone who's been scuba diving knows how essential awareness and teamwork are -- monitoring your dive partners' equipment, staying close at depth, and communicating constantly for safety.
Our group of 80 mostly stayed in Airbnbs; I roomed with two teammates while the others were nearby. We dove three to five times a day for five days.
On our last night, my dive team gathered with a few others to share what we admired about one another. I was deeply moved -- nearly brought to tears. One said they admired my openness, another my beauty in facing challenges, and the one that touched me most said, "You deserve love."
Each teammate had contributed selflessly -- one always managed the dive tanks, another checked my gear, one listened intently when I spoke, and another shared their life openly. Their care and presence made me feel seen, safe, and connected.
The next day, some folks came up to tell me how my short two-minute reflection had moved them -- something I hadn't expected or sought feedback on, but was uplifted by time and again.
Holding On:
Plato once wrote in the Symposium that love exists between deprivation and possession -- too much of either, and its beauty fades. I've realized I want both connection and disconnection, technology and silence.
I wasn't yet sure at the time how to fully carry these insights into everyday life, but I'm determined not to lose them. The best I can do is to continue returning to experiences like this -- where presence, community, and love align so powerfully. read more