Picture this: You're 43 years old and pregnant for the first time after trying, seriously (yes...many, many rounds of IVF included after exhausting the regular ways to conceive) for over five years. You've never had a large family, and so haven't really had the opportunity to be around kids, much less babies, much at all in your life. Knowing your past history (or complete lack thereof) with kids and babies and knowing that you have nine months to learn/stew all about them, what do you do?
If you're anything like me, you research the heck out of your options and then enlist the help of a top-notch doula with a boatload of experience under her belt. Worried about giving birth to my first child? Not so much after meeting with Barbara and knowing I have the knowledge of a woman who's attended hundreds upon hundreds of births as both a midwife and a doula right there next to me as I labor and deliver my child.
When I began to research doulas, I was afraid of the stereotype I'd encountered previously: someone who's so of the earth that she farts granola and believes that a completely natural, unmedicated home birth is the only way to go (if the birds and angels are singing along and knitting a scarf for the babe, bonus points). While this type of birth does have its place and is a wonderful and amazing thing, when you're facing your first delivery at the ripe old age of 43, you're automatically considered a high risk and therefore not the optimum candidate for such a birth experience.
So I began interviewing my top three doulas and one of my prerequisites was someone who was comfortable with the fact that I was comfortable with and in fact, looked forward to, the option of having an epidural during labor when the going got tough. I tend to have a pretty high tolerance for pain, but I'm not stupid and I know my limits. Childbirth, even never having gone through it before, was definitely going to be outside my pain capacity. Even more blasphemous, I was comfortable with the idea that I might end up with a C-section. You see, in all the gazillions of fertility treatments I'd endured, I'd learned one screaming fact: I have a prissy cervix. Which means, loosely, that my cervix was perpetually having a bad, uptight day and wasn't the least bit interested in stretching even one millimeter more than absolutely necessary, regardless of the procedure that might need to be performed.
Knowing this going in, while I was hopeful that it would have a change of heart and cooperate during labor, I was also realistic and knew that the possibility that my cervix would be all, "Nope, not moving. Not budging, I am having none of this dilation stuff." Thirty-one hours of labor later (and Barbara there for most of it, going WAY above and beyond the call of doula duty), my cervix gave one inch. ONE. INCH. And that was it. Off for an unscheduled C-section I went, and Barbara was there for us after that as well.
Back to why Barbara is amazing (and she most definitely is. I can be sarcastic, but I love this woman with all my heart and will be calling her the moment I know I am pregnant again). With our initial meeting Barbara put me at ease. Me, who's not so good with meeting new folks and generally antisocial unless I've known you for years. I left our first meeting feeling like she knew what I was trying to accomplish with my pregnancy, and that she also understood that I was comfortable with several outcomes of my birth plan. Heck, she even understood that as a first-timer, I scoffed a bit at the idea of a birth plan, knowing that fate will take you where it wants you to go, not necessarily taking the path you intend.
I was impressed with Barbara all over again during each of our subsequent meetings. And knowing that she was just a text away with any questions, well, I can't tell you how much of a relief that brought me throughout my pregnancy. I really can't imagine the level of stress I'd have experienced not having Barbara on my team during my pregnancy. I knew that she'd be helpful during labor itself; I also leaned heavily on the fact that even if I had a C-section, she'd been and continued to be an integral member of my team during pregnancy.
Because fate has an impeccable sense of humor, I ended up having that C-section after all. Barbara was with us for most for those 31 hours of labor, and proved immeasurably helpful navigating the hard questions and options that arose while I was laboring. Don't get me wrong, we had some amazing labor nurses, but I would have been lost without Barbara. And I still giggle over the fact that I was dubbed a "silent sufferer" during labor. Stoics of the world, unite! But stoic or not, be sure you enlist Barbara's help if you're expecting. Seriously. You can't do better in the greater Seattle area, and probably way beyond that. read more