For those of you who aren't in the mood to read through this whole review let's go straight into spoiler territory: without a doubt the worst dining experience we've had during our stay in Albufeira. Now you must be wondering why you came across all those positive ratings, while here you are about to read what must be the Roast of American Diner. Well, allow me to elaborate and I'll bet your sweet ass that you will be convinced that you should NEVER set foot in this so called ´´restaurant´´.
First off, I'll give credit where credit is due. The place looks nice from the outside; truly has the look and feel of a 50's American diner. Adding to that, the milkshakes where excellent, although quite pricy (4,50) and the glasses in which it was served where a bit small.
Now that we got all the positives out of the way it's time to rip this diner to shreds. After we got our drinks from the seemingly nice waiter we were ready to order. 2 friends of mine ordered the Cesar salad pizza, 1 ordered the hamburger, another one the chicken parmesan, another one the chicken kebab and I ordered the Submariner pizza (with all kinds of sea creatures on there).
All seemed good so far, but little did we know we would have to wait 1,5 hours before we would finally receive our food. Yes, that's right: 1,5 hours. Now if the restaurant was packed and there would not be a single table available we would understand, but the night we were sitting here there were only 3 or 4 other tables. This on itself is simply unacceptable, but if the food would have been any good we might have let it slide and I would not have spend any of my time writing this extensive review.
So, how was the food you ask? Glad you asked. We thought about it long and hard and one word came into mind: DIS-GUS-TING. No really, there is no better way to describe the food we got served at this diner. One of pizza bottoms of the Cesar salad pizzas was so doughy we were certain they rushed it out of the kitchen because it was already taking way too long. Both the chicken parmesan as well as the chicken kebab was incredibly dry. The time it took to properly chew a piece of chicken took about as long as a lap dance at one of the local strip clubs lasted. The hamburger wasn't all that bad, but definitely not something to write home about. And the Submariner? My god...I'm not exaggerating when I say that it was by far the most unsatisfying experience I've ever had while eating at a restaurant. It's difficult to describe what exactly was missing, but I'm pretty sure it was flavor. Here I was, eating this pizza that wouldn't even satisfy a stray dog while getting more nauseous with each bite I took. Although managing to dispose half of the pizza I had to tap out before the pizza slices I just consumed would crawl out of my throat.
All in all, nobody finished their meal and nobody (except for the guy who ordered the hamburger) was even slightly satisfied.
Of course, we didn't want to let this go unnoticed, which is why we called over the waiter to describe what we thought was wrong with the dishes they served us. We hoped that, by showing our dissatisfaction with our meals, we would at least get some form of compensation. Nope. Nothing. Nada. Jack shit. Whatever you want to call it, we didn't get anything; not even an apology for ruining our appetite.
And here's the real kicker: these dishes were actually really expensive, especially considering the quality of food. The dishes varied between the 15-20 euros, with the exception of the hamburger (about 7,50).
Now to top it all off we weren't allowed to pay with our ATM card, which meant we had to walk for 5 minutes to the nearest ATM machine, pay an additional amount of 3 euros at the machine, walk all the way back just so we could pay for our terrible dinner.
Look, I know this all may sound like we are just being aholes that didn't enjoy their meal and want to rant about it just for fun. But you can take my word that everything I've described in this review is honest. Eating at this diner truly felt like a scam and I simply cannot stand the thought of other people experiencing the same. Please DO NOT go to the American Diner and safe yourself from a disappointing, appetite-ruining dining experiencing. Thank you for hearing us out and I hope we managed to convince you in an honest, yet entertaining fashion. read more