Modern gentlemen, fear not the doula. Shed your stereotyped notion of wading pool in your living room with some hippie woman kneeling beside it in a cloud of incense smoke chanting mantras and occasionally ringing a tuning fork.
When my wife first broached the notion of hiring a doula for the birth of our first child, I must admit that I was initially a little skeptical.
But Allison Stanton is amazing.
First of all, for first-time fathers, especially if you're like me and prefer to have everything planned meticulously and take comfort in knowledge about how things are going to go, the birth of your child is psychologically pretty intense as it approaches, because there's no way to really plan for something for you've never experienced before. Sure, read all the books and take all the classes, but you won't really know how it all goes down until it all goes down. And that uncertainty can be more than a little troubling and stressful as the big day gets closer and closer. You want to be as good a partner and father-to-be as you can be, but you're unavoidably nervous that you'll screw something up in the critical moments.
But having a doula takes all that away. Allison is experienced, knows the protocols (and the staff) at many of the hospitals in the area, leaving you with nothing to worry about except being there for your partner. If you don't know what to do or what to ask the nurse for or where something is or what options are available to you when the doctor explains something that you may or may not fully understand, Allison will be there to help.
Even more importantly, Allison will also be there for the things that you'll need that you aren't even thinking of because you don't even know what you don't know.
I can't recommend her strongly enough. My wife is a bad-ass who did 30+ hours of labor, and Allison was absolutely instrumental in getting us through it all. She came to our home in the middle of the night, even slept on the floor beside our bed in brief snippets when she could, helped guide my wife through her slowly-increasing-in-frequency-and-intensity contractions, made sure we slept when we could and ate when we could, and made sure that we were able to do as much of the labor as possible in the comfort of our home. She expertly helped to manage our psychological anxieties and dissuaded us from rushing to the hospital, such that when we did finally arrive at the hospital, it was go-time. If Allison hadn't been there, we would certainly have nervously rushed to the hospital way too early, and had to either come back home, or spent an entire day laboring in a hospital room.
Logistically, if you procure Allison's services, she'll come to your home and meet you a couple of times before the big day, she'll work with you to develop a plan, and she'll get familiar with your home so that, when the time comes, she can be there to help with food, linens, etc. Also, Allison never once tried to push any particular type of birth plan. We were open to using drugs and even an epidural, and she wasn't dogmatic about having a drug-free birth at all; she worked with us to develop the plan that worked for us.
One last thing. You may think that it will be a little weird to have a perfect stranger in your home and in your hospital room during what may be one of the most intimate and intense moments of you and your partner's joint life, but what I found is that, by the end of it all, I felt very close to Allison, like she and I had gone on a journey together, and it wasn't weird or uncomfortable at all.
So don't hesitate. If you're having a baby soon, hire a doula. And if you're hiring a doula, hire Allison. read more